Thomas Gambino Sr. runs a Medical charity racket in NY and resides in Florida as one of the top members of the modern Commission. Thomas Sr.'s wife is Frances Lucchese. They oversee the Luccheses and factions of the Gambinos. The Lucchesi-Palli family are a nobility of Sicily, Tuscany, and Austria and they own the Lucchese crime family. The Russian Mafia in Brighton Beach, New York pay tributes to the Lucchese crime family. The Russian Mafia has held meetings in Austria where the Lucchesi-Palli are nobles. Frank Stronach is an Austrian businessman that owns horse race tracks in the US including the Rosecroft Raceway in Maryland where the Corsican Mafia are covertly headquartered. The Corsican Mafia partnered with the Lucchese crime family through their "French Connection" heroin operation. The mafia use horse race tracks as headquarters for money laundering.
Carlo Gambino "Lucchese" is the grandson of the founder of the Gambinos through his father and grandson of the founder of the Luccheses through his mother. The Luccheses have an alliance with the Russian Mafia. The Russian Mafia have operations in Florida and California and the Gambinos live in New York, Florida, and California.
Thomas Gambino "Lucchese" Jr. owns an international warehouse and distribution company called Dynamic Worldwide with operations in China and other parts of Asia as well as in Texas next to the Mexican border. Thomas Jr. is headquartered out of Florida.
Frank Cali is the top boss in California and Los Angeles and has high authority within the Gambino crime family. Frank Cali covertly works with the Israeli-American businessmen Lyor Cohen who works with criminal rappers like Jay Z, Kanye West, DMX, and Method Man. Lyor Cohen is married to the deputy chairman of Christie's Asia Xin Li. The Massimo family of Rome own the Gambinos and Prince Tancredi Massimo works at Christies.
Rosario Gambino is Frank Calis uncle and adviser with close connections to Rome. The Gambinos are owned by the Massimo family with Prince Fabrizio Massimo-Brancaccio who is like the godfather of organized crime. The Massimos received tributes from most mafias and cartels around the world.
Massimo Carminati who was imprisoned in 2017 was the head of the Nuclei Armati Rivoluzionari (NAR) a Neo-Fascist paramilitary group that still covertly exists and works with the Magliana Mafia of Rome. The NAR is involved in weapons trafficking, assassinations, and contract killings and they are owned by the Massimo family. Massimo Carminati was nicknamed the "Last King of Rome"
Leonardo Rizzuto is the head of the Montreal crime family which includes the Rizzutos and Cuntrera Caruana mafia. They have a business alliance with Venezuelan drug cartels and the Sinaloa Cartel. The Rizzutos have residences in Venezuela and meet with the Sinaloa Cartel on the Island of Margarita and properties owned by the Rizzuto crime family's owners the Ruspoli noble family of Rome.
Jack Giacalone runs the Detroit Mafia and the International Brotherhood of Teamsters in the US through James Hoffa the son of Jimmy Hoffa who was disappeared by the Giacalones. The Detroit Mafia runs rackets on the US automotive industry. Giacalone also works with the Jewish billionaire and crook Daniel Gilbert who owns casinos in Detroit, Cleveland, and also owns the Cleveland Cavaliers. Dan Gilbert renamed his casino company Jack Entertainment to honor Jack Giacalone. The Detroit Mafia is owned by the Odescalchi family of Rome.
Russell Papalardo is a top boss of the Cleveland crime family which works closely with the Detroit Mafia. The Licavole family have been top members of the Cleveland crime family. Their relative named Jimmy Laccavole is one of the most insane and relentless gang stalkers and paid slanderers in my region. He is a small little zealous psychopath that specializes in poisoning people and brainwashing them with insane lies. The Orsini family are owners of the Cleveland crime family and they are merged with the German Rosenberg family which own some Jewish mafias with the Def Jam CEO Paul Rosenberg as a member of the Jewish Mafia.
Meyer Lansky III runs territories in Vegas today and is a top member of the Jewish-Polish Mafia and associate of the Chicago Outfit. His grandfather Meyer Lansky was a Polish-Jew. Lansky III works with Tamares Group which is a casino company in Vegas owned by the Zabludowicz family which are Polish-Israeli Jews with Poju Zabludowicz. The Colonna family are owners of the Chicago Outfit and use the Roselli del Turco and Capponi noble families of Florence to mange them. Al Capone and John Rosseli were Chicago mobsters and related to these noble families. The Colonna family of Rome also have a Polish branch called the Colonna-Walewski family. Meyer Lanski was a Polish Jew.
Simone Rizzo DeCavalcate Jr. oversees the New Jersey crime family from Florida and he works with Wu-Tang rapper RZA or Robert Fitzgerald Diggs who lives in NJ and runs AVLN gangs, 5 Percenter Islamic Gang Stalkers, and other street gangs involved in drug trafficking of marijuana, PCP, crack-cocaine, and heroin. Wu-Tang also works with the Gambinos, Westies, and the Triads.
John Bokun is a high level and extremely dangerous Irish gangster that runs the Irish Westies in Hells Kitchen. John Bokun has a monopoly on marijuana both in the streets and in the medical industry. He extorts the medical marijuana industry and street sale of marijuana in the US. John Bokun was arrested several years ago for transporting a half of million in marijuana on his 40 million dollar jet from California to the East Coast. The Westies are allied with the Gambinos and Gottis. John Bokun is an extremely evil murderous psychopath that needs to be executed immediately.
Jay O'Connor is an Irish Mafia boss from Dublin. The Irish Mafia are extremely violent and involved in drug trafficking, gun trafficking, murder, extortion, thefts, robberies, and business rackets. The Irish Mafia often operate out of boxing clubs, bars, and racetracks. The Rooney family in the US are Irish white collar mobsters involved in politics and business. They recently sold their Yonkers Raceway in 2019 to MGM. They owned the Yonkers Raceway since 1972. In 1995 there were arrests at the Rooney's Yonkers Raceway for a multimillion dollar gambling ring.
Gerry Hutch is an Irish Mafia boss that runs rackets in the boxing industry and has been involved in robberies. Hutch has worked with the boxer Mike Tyson and has run boxing rings in Ireland. Conor McGregor is an associate of the Irish Mafia in Dublin and is a boxer and MMA fighter. The mafia rig fights for their bets. Bookies will collect bets and then the mafia decides who wins based on which is most profitable for them. Conor McGregor is an Irish mobster.
Terry Adams is an English gangster in Clerkenwell, London. The Adams crime family are involved in extortion, drug trafficking, human trafficking, sex trafficking of minors, blackmail, contract killings, and gold heists. The Clerkenwell Mafia is extorting the royal vault for gold. The Clerkenwell Mafia or Adams crime family are owned by the Massimo of Roccasecca family which live in London. Prince Stefano Massimo's mother was Dawn Addams.
Richard Valentini is the street boss of the Springfield Crew and he is one of the most violent and murderous members of Cosa Nostra. The Arrivabene-Valenti-Gonzaga family own the Rochester crime family of New York which was headed up by Valenti mobsters with crime bosses Frank Valenti and Constenze Valenti. Their cousins own a large car dealership company in New England. Richard Valentini works under the Arrivabene-Valenti-Gonzaga family of Venice. Its believed the Springfield Crew is part of the Genovese crime family. The Savoys own the Genovese mafia. The Arrivabene-Valenti-Gonzaga family is currently married with the royal House of Savoy-Aosta. Prince Giberto Arrivabenne-Valenti-Gonzaga's wife is the daughter of Prince Amadeo of Savoy-Aosta.
Philip Andrew Genovese is a major pedophile living in Massachusetts and he is the grandson of Vito Genovese the founder of the Genovese crime family which works with the Springfield Crew in Massachusetts. Philip Andrew Genovese oversees Philip Gigante and Andrew Gigante of the Genovese crime family.
Andrew Gigante is a top boss of the Genovese crime family which have infiltrated Wall Street and run high end prostitution rings. Gigante means giant. The Gigantes work with the Mara family which own the NY Giants. The mafia rig sports for their bets. The Mara family are Irish white collar mobsters connected with the Jesuits and they work with the Rooney family through marriage which are white collar Irish mobsters, businessmen, and politicians that ran the Yonkers Raceway for decades. Racetracks are often mafia headquarters used for money laundering. The mafia works with owners of racetracks which allow them to claim their criminal profits like from drug trafficking were gambling wins.
Philip Gigante is a mobster and mayor in Airmonte, NY. The Savoy-Aosta family are owners of the Gigantes which have operations in New Jersey while the Savoys which live in Switzerland and are the princes of Naples and Venice are the owners of the Genovese family with the Gigantes being second in command. The Savoy-Aostas are also the Dukes of Apulia. The Apulian Mafia or Sacra Corona Unita mafia have deeply infiltrated New Jersey and work with the DeCavalcante crime family of New Jersey.
Liborio Bellomo is a high level mafia boss in the Genovese crime family. Liborio Bellomo spreads insane lies into society like a virus. Bellomo is from a Sicilian noble family and there is still a Bellomo castle in Syracuse, Sicily today. Bellomo operates out of the Bronx and oversees many African American gangs and mafias including a large gang ran by the criminal rapper Papoose out of Bedford–Stuyvesant, Brooklyn. This Bed-Stuy black mafia are major gun traffickers in New York.
Vincent Badalemeti is a ruthless and murderous boss of the Bonanno crime family. The Bonannos have an alliance with the Ceritto crime family which have moved from California to Texas. The owners of the Bonannos are the Boncompagni-Ludovisi family of Rome. Bon-compagni translates to good fellow or Goodfella which is a term for made men.
Joseph Merlino is one of the top bosses in Atlantic City and oversees Ft Lauderdale from Boca Rotan. The Merlinos were involved in building many of the casinos in Atlantic City including Trumps casinos. Donald Trump works with the Philly crime family and his Counselor Kellyanne Conway's grandfather was an associate of the Philly crime family. Merlino works with the Israeli white collar mobster and billionaire owner of the Miami Heat Micky Arison. Merlino also works with black street gangs run by the gangster rapper Cassidy who was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for what was originally a murder charge. The Gaetani family are owners of the Philly Mob and the Merlinos. Trump is friends with Prince Gaetani d’Aragona Lovatelli and his ex wife dated him for years. Lovatelli just as Philly is called the City of Brotherly Love.
Joseph Ligambi is a high level consiglieri for the Philly Mob and he works with the Jewish billionaire and owner of the Philadelphia Eagles Jeffrey Lurie who rigs games for the mafias bets. Joseph Ligambi also works with the Jewish billionaire Joshua Harris who is an owner of the Philadelphia 76's and co founder of Apollo Global Management with the Jesuit educated Knight of Malta Tony Ressler. Ligambi has similar ancestry as the Gambinos and has Philly mobsters loyal to him including George Borgesi, Joseph Massimino, and Mikey Lancelotti and all of their names refer to the Roman noble families; the Borgheses, Massimos, and Massimo-Lancellottis which are owners of the Gambinos.
John Gotti Jr. is a high level member of the modern Commission. He works with 50 Cent who runs both Bloods and Crips on the East Coast. Gotti Jr. and 50 Cent can be seen hanging out together. Gotti Jr. operates out of Long Island and manages Jewish billionaires and businessmen in New York through blackmail and extortion. The mafia uses violence to control wealth. This creates a layer of protection for the owners of the mafia which are the Black Nobility of Rome. The mafia provides children and underage sex workers to pedophiles in business and politics while taping them in the act and then use this to blackmail them. They use violence, blackmail, and extortion to control wealth. John Gotti is an extremely dangerous coward that controls other men through faggotry. Faggotry really means men raping other men to control them. Faggot derives from the word Fasces where the word Fascism also derived. Many Jewish billionaires are working with mafia including the child murdering pedophile Michael Bloomberg.
Louis Vallario is a Gambino street boss from Brooklyn working under the Gottis and he manages the Brooklyn born record producer Jimmy Iovine. Jimmy Iovine is an associate of the Gottis and Gambinos and he manages Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg. Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg are top bosses of the West Coast Crips and they are extremely evil. Jimmy Iovine who is worth over 900 million is close friends with Dre who is worth about 700 million. Dr. Dre and the Crips are involved in human trafficking and pedophilia cults. They use faggotry to control other men. Dr. Dre is a major faggot and pedophile. This makes him extremely insecure and dangerous.
John Gotti III is a MMA fighter working with the UFC and has infiltrated mixed martial arts industry which is used for rigging fights for bets and recruiting mafia enforcers. Gotti III is ruthless and murderous.
Dennis Pappas is a high level criminal associate of the Colombo crime family and works as a financier and law adviser for Cosa Nostra. Dennis Pappas was convicted of racketeering and tax evasion and later worked for the wealthy Venetian Cipriani family who were also investigated and fined for tax evasion assisted by Pappas. Dennis Pappas worked as a high level executive of Cipriani USA which owns restaurants and nightclubs. The Ciprianis own clubs all over the world and are originally from Venice. They are likely worth billions. They moved their company headquarters to Luxembourg where there are banking secrecy laws. During Pappas original arrest in the 90's for racketeering he claimed he worked as a spy for the FBI involving 1993 World Trade Center bombing to blackmail them into getting a plea deal.
Salvatore DeLaurentis is the boss of the Chicago Outfit which has a covert alliance with the Los Zetas drug cartel. The Chicago Outfit also covertly runs many Vegas casinos today and use them for money laundering. The Chicago Outfit specializes in controlling democratic politicians including Clinton and Obama. Obama has business connections with Tony Rezko who was convicted of wire fraud, extortion, and corrupt solicitation. Obama is also friends with Alexi Giannoulias whose bank made loans worth millions to convicted mobsters Michael Giorango and Demitri Stavropoulos. The Chicago Outfit has agents that have infiltrated the Chicago police department and the Chicago Mafia also works with various black street gangs which move drugs for them.
James Inendino is a Chicago mobster operating out of Cicero right next to Chicago. They have a headquarters at the Hawthorne Race Course in Cicero owned by the Carey family. Hawthorne was involved in the 70's in gambling rings and an arson to cover it up.
Peter DiFronzo is a Chicago mobster and brother of the recently deceased mafia boss John DiFronzo. John DiFronzo owned car dealerships which the mafia use for moving stolen vehicles which they use to transport drugs and for human trafficking. They use dealer plates to move around these stolen vehicles. The Chicago Outfit is covertly involved in pedophilia rings and child trafficking and they blackmail politicians and businessmen that are propped up with videos of them molesting children.
The Fertitta family with Frank Fertitta III, Lorenzo Fertitta, Tilman Fertitta are billionaires and members of the Galveston crime family and run the UFC. The Fertittas married with the Maceo crime family of Galveston, Texas. The Ferttitas operate in Nevada and Texas. The Fertittas also own Station Casinos which operates in Vegas. They use casinos for money laundering. Casinos are rigged. Dan Caldwell is an Irish mobster and owner of Tapout. Caldwell works with the Fertittas and Irish Mafia and he is extremely evil. Dan Caldwell is a psycho. Tillman Fertitta is the owner of the Houston Rockets and manages James Harden who is a ruthless satanic psychopath and mafia associate that defends the Fertittas. James Harden is a horrible person.
Vincent Civella is a high level made man in the Kansas City crime family which have operations in Missouri, Texas, and Nevada. The Sansone family are members of the Kansas City crime family with Michael Sansone and Anthony Sansone as made men and they have white collar mafia relatives running a large real estate company in Missouri. The mafia infiltrates everything including real estate. They have rackets in nearly every industry.
Vincenzo Isoldi is a Camorra mobster in Pittsburgh and associate of the Pittsburgh crime family. The Pittsburgh crime family runs the Jewish billionaire Mark Cuban who owns the Dallas Mavericks. Mark Cuban was originally from Pittsburgh and he is involved in rigging games for the mafias bets. The Borghese, Torlonia, and Rocco di Torrepadula families are owners of the mafia in Pittsburgh sometimes called the LaRocca crime family and the Torlonias also own the Kansas City crime family which have criminal operations in Dallas. The Torlonias are a continuation of the ancient Conti di Segni family and Gregorio Conti founded the Pittsburgh crime family. The Torlonias are the Princes of Civitella Cesi. The Civella family were founding members of the Kansas City crime family. Civitella and Civella both mean owl. The Hunt family own the Kansas City Chiefs and are also connected with Dallas. The Chiefs CEO and President Clark Hunt was born in Dallas.
Victoria Gotti is a female member of Cosa Nostra. Female members of the mafia are directly involved with pedophilia, child trafficking, and murdering children. Victoria Gotti is really evil and ruthless.
Carmine Agnello is a Gambino-Gotti associate and made man in the Cleveland crime family. Agnello and the Cleveland mafia infiltrate blue collar industries. Carmine Agnello is extremely evil. The Gaetanis are part owners of the Gottis. The Gaetanis are married with the billionaire Agnelli-Elkann family with Ginevra Elkann the granddaughter of Gianni Agnelli married to Prince Giovanni Gaetani dell'Aquila d'Aragona.
Frank Agnello-Gotti is a high level made men in the Gambino crime family and they also manage the Albanian Mafia with his brothers Carmine and John.
Carmine Agnello-Gotti is a high level mobster. The Gottis are considered royalty among the Italian Mafia.
John Agnello-Gotti is likely the head of the Gotti-Agnellos. John Agnello-Gotti is a murderous thug.
John Alite is a high level Albanian mobster and Gambino made man and hitman. Alite works with the Gottis and Gambinos and oversees factions of the Albanian Mafia. The Jewish-Albanian rapper named Action Bronson is a covert Albanian mafia boss and oversees a US faction of the Hellbanianz which are headquartered in London. The Hellbanianz oversee the Albanian Boys which are a national crime organization.
Chris Colombo runs prostitution rings, pedophilia rings, and specializes in blackmail. The Colombos also have a monopoly on cocaine trafficking. A man named Vincent Martello works with the Colombos in the Greenwich and Long Island area. He runs an intelligence network for Cosa Nostra. He also makes threats on behalf of the mafia and is involved in trafficking children in the trunks of vehicles that he sells. The Colombos are an extremely evil and active crime family in New York City and they work closely with Jewish white collar mobsters which specialize in embezzlement, criminal financing, and infiltration.
Raymond Patriarca Jr. is a hidden boss of the New England crime family which have operations in Boston, Providence, and New Haven. They are involved in human trafficking, extortion, and blackmail. They are an extremely violent and oppressive mafia and they are allied with Jewish white collar mobsters, Irish Mafias in Boston including the Winter Hill Gang and the Puerto Rican Mafia in Boston headed up by the criminal Puerto Rican rapper Termanology or Daniel Carrillo who lives outside of Boston. The New England crime family work closely with the Romney family and with Bain Capital and Bain & Company through Stephen Pagliuca a co-founder of Bain Capital and owner of the Boston Celtics. Romney's Bain Capital was originally financed by offshore accounts from Latin American businessmen including associates of the Puerto Rican Mafia. Raymond Patriarca Jr. is Italian-Irish and has a Jewish wife.
Carmen Dinunzio is a top boss of the New England crime family and its Boston faction. Carmen Dinunzio works with the Jewish-Zionist billionaire Robert Kraft the owner of the New England Patriots. Tom Brady is a criminal agent of Kraft and he is involved in cheating and fixing games for the mafia's bets. Tom Brady also works with motorcycle gangs including the Iron Horseman and Hells Angels which traffic meth and also adrenochrome which Tom Brady consumes. The Patriots are known for fixing games with spying and deflating footballs during a game because they practiced with deflated balls giving them an advantage. Robert Kraft has donated large amounts of money to the Jesuit colleges Boston College and College of the Holy Cross. The primary owners of the New England crime family are the Bourbon-Two Sicilies family and their ancestors officially established the Jesuits.
Frank Colacurcio Jr. runs the sex trafficking industry including trafficking of children in the North West part of the US including in northern California, Oregon, Washington, and Alaska. The Coacurcios own a lot of strip clubs in Seattle used as fronts for brothels. The Seattle crime family works with Aryan Brotherhood gangs, Nazis, and Yakuza. There is a large scale human trafficking network from Asia to the West Coast with members of the mercenary company United Resources Group involved. Yakuza and Triads have also infiltrated the ports on the West Coast. The Palin family in Alaska are heavily involved in human trafficking. The Seattle crime family also works with Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos who finance and participate in human trafficking. They use their collective hundreds of billions to bribe police and government agents.
Vincent Loscalzo is a top member of the Trafficante crime family of Florida. The Trafficantes work with the Cuban Mafia and are involved with cocaine trafficking with the Cuban Jesuit Fanjul family of sugar manufacturers. They conceal cocaine as sugar. The Trafficantes work with the CIA and have operations and casinos in Cuba. Cuba is a hide out for mobsters. The CIA also fakes deaths of high profile criminals which hide out in Cuba like the ruthless mobster and rapper Lesane Parish Crooks. The Trafficantes also work with the New Orleans crime family which are major human traffickers and specialize in murder and disposing of bodies. The New Orleans crime family has an alliance with the Gulf Cartel.
Chris Paciello is a former mafia hitman and currently a night club owner in Miami, Florida. Paciello is still a member of Cosa Nostra and works covertly with the Trafficantes. He also manages the criminal rapper Rick Ross who took his name from the drug trafficker Freeway Ricky Ross. Trina is a female member of the African American mafia in Miami and is involved in child trafficking and child murder. The rapper Rick Ross can be seen hanging out with Chris Paciello on numerous occasions at Paciello's Miami clubs.
Joseph Caridi is a high level member of the Lucchese crime family which have a monopoly on the heroin market. The Luccheses own a funeral home called Joseph A Lucchese Funeral Home with a crematorium in the Bronx which they use for disposing of bodies. Joseph Lucchese is a member of the Lucchese crime family and he disposes of bodies in his crematorium and also murders people by burning them alive. The Luccheses are probably the most murderous mafia on the planet. They work with the Corsican Mafia which are headquartered in Baltimore. They import opium and heroin mostly through the ports on the East Coast and Thomas Gambino-Lucchese Jr. also traffics in heroin through Mexico.
Joseph Lubrano is a high level Lucchese mobster headquartered in Yonkers and he oversees rappers from Wu-Tang, Yonkers based D-Block, and the Harlem based Diplomats which are running the modern day Drug Council which is the head of the African American Mafia in the United States. D-Block which are from Yonkers are the head of the modern day Council. Confirmed members of the Drug Council include Jadakiss, Sheek Louch, Styles P, Ghostface Killah, and Jim Jones with his associate Hell Rell. The Yonkers based gangster rap group D-Block are the head of the modern Council and they work with Jay Z. They recently signed to Jay Z's record label.
Semion Mogilevich is a Jewish-Russian mafia boss headquartered in Budapest, Hungary. Mogilvech's mafia runs some Israeli Mafias and has a portion of authority over the IDF through former IDF Chief Benny Gantz whose family was from Hungary. Mogilvech has owned a military arms manufacturing plant and this mafia also specializes in making snuff films. The Austrian House of Esterhazy and Lucchesi-Palli family are owners of the Mogilevich Mafia.
Alimzhan Tokhtakhunov is a Russian Mafia boss with operations in Monte Carlo, Monaco. Tokhtakhunov is an associate of the Corleonisi mafia clan of Sicily which also have operations in Monte Carlo where they launder their criminal profits through casinos. The royal family of Monaco the Grimaldis previously ruled in Genoa which ruled in the Black Sea region and they had relationships with the Romanovs and Khazarian nobles. Putin is a close friend with Prince Albert II of Monaco. Tokhtakhunov has admitted to meeting Putin.
Kwok Wing-hung is a Chinese Triad boss. The Triads have operations on the West Coast in the US and have infiltrated the ports. They are involved with human trafficking of Asian women and children. They are also involved in thefts, protection rackets, and manufacturing and selling knock offs of high end goods. Prince Francesco Luca Costa Sanseverino di Bisignano is from a Sicilian noble family and he was born in and resides in Hong Kong overseeing the Triads. Most mafias are managed by Cosa Nostra and pay them tributes. Cosa Nostra means "Our Thing" which refers to the Italian criminal's monopolization of organized crime.
submitted by So, you wanna go to SHOT show? You think it's all fun and games? Get to play with guns? See Jesse James and R. Lee Ermey? SHOT show is the annual pilgrimage of the unwashed masses to Las Vegas to rub elbows with youtube celebrities, bloggers and overseas businessmen copying US made equipment and share infectious disease.
If you love guns, gambling and gonorrhea - SHOT show is for you! It is not my typical idea of a good time. I am not a big fan of Las Vegas.
However: I do attend for a few reasons. First, I do enjoy travel and I'm platinum on AA so I can usually score an upgrade. Second, industry people are in there that I do hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars with business with so it's nice to put a face with the name and see what deals are out there. SHOT for me has been a bust for the past few years. Being a value guy, I want to buy at $1000 and sell at $3000 and as of recently the gun business is more like buy for $1 and sell for $1.10 if you get what I mean.
We used to do business at SHOT and now it's just checking in on foursquare, instagram and rubbing elbows with bloggers and the like. I want to make money, not spend money so this is very annoying to me.
Anyways, onto the play by play.
Monday, January 16th. One day before SHOT show. http://imgur.com/a/HoFUm Every time I've been rejected by a woman, I move $1 from checking into savings and I take the bankroll down to the Wynn for some play. Lets do this.
The TSA line is a shitshow thanks to, well TSA.
I slog my way to the lounge, as shitty as it is to wait for my winged chariot to DFW. I have gone from being in an abusive relationship with Delta to being in an abusive relationship with AA. Although if you really want to experience the battered spouse feeling, UA is a few gates over. This trip's light reading is trying to finish "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell. Such a good book as well as "Outliers" if you want a good read.
I walk up to the podium to find out that my upgrades do not clear, even as an AA Plat thanks to the addition of a FOURTH elite tier. Goddamn fucking W. Doug Parker. Asshole. I gate check my bags to make life easier for me and the rest of the folks. The gate agent calls concierge key and executive platinum passengers. I look down and realize I'm wearing a suit and board with the executive platinum folks because I do not care and I look the part. If you walk with a purpose and are dressed reasonably well, you fit the profile. I settle into my window seat and try to finish outliers. I pass out before takeoff and I'm awoken by the dulcet tones of the flight attendants preparing for landing. We land at Dallas a few minutes early and I hightail it to the Centurion for a quick bite to eat. I grab a plate and help myself to some of the excellent brisket, pecan encrusted chicken and some roasted jumbo asparagus. Yes, my pee is going to smell funny. No, I do not care. The lounge is packed. The bar is full and I grab a quick single malt as I have my meal since American's not going to feed me. They begin boarding to Mccarran as I walk out of the lounge. No time for a stop in the spa on this trip. I make it to the gate just as the call group 2 boarding.
I bypass the main line and walk up through the priority line giving no heed to the people that have been waiting there before me as I hold up my paper boarding pass with PLATINUM to the gate agent. I board and take my usual seat - the exit row without the seat in front of it. I'm aghast to see this sight.
http://imgur.com/a/dygil The savages. Literally. The savages.
I put my loathing away for a moment and look down at the exit row. I have the window. The aisle is a large middle aged man and in the middle is what I believe to be a formecurrent linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys wearing a 52 regular sports jacket. He's not a fat guy in a little coat, he's a big fucking hulk of a man stuffed in an exit row seat that is already an inch narrower due to the tray table. I grimace as I take my seat and give him the manly nod. He does not look happy about the fact that his knees are in the seat in front and I'm stretched out like a Cheshire cat in front of a fireplace on a cold January afternoon.
The boarding door closes for an on time departure and Stephanie the FA takes her seat. He leans over and asks if he can take the empty row across the aisle and she takes one look at the three of us and gives him the nod. I bail out to give him a path of egress and suddenly the trip to Las Vegas has just become way more comfortable. I finish The Tipping Point somewhere over west texas, so I pop a xanax and dr pepper and zone out for the rest of the ride. I awake to feel one of the FA's jostling me awake telling me to put my seat up. I do so and we have a ride so smooth that not even the Delta guy behind me can complain about light chop. We catch the TYSSN4 arrival and the next thing I know it the Messier Dowty landing gear of the A321 touch the paint at Mccarran for a smooth rollout down 25L.
My phone battery is approaching grim death since this seat has no power plugs and I find
bartman383 has sent me a message. He has been enjoying LV with his wife and their due to bad weather they are in the city of sin for a few extra nights. He invites me to dinner. I'm still pretty full from DFW and I tell him I'll be over there once I get my bags and the car and I'll see him when I see him. He gives me the info for the hotel as we pull up to the gate.
First stop: Centurion lounge. AA's app tells me bags being unloaded. I grab a quick bite of fried chicken and brussels sprouts since they are good for you and a chocolate pudding. The brisket and pecan encrusted chicken from DFW still has me full but I'm well aware of the speed of a union baggage handlers nowadays and who doesn't like chocolate pudding? Terrorists. That's who. Want to know how to screen for terrorists TSA? Set up a table of free chocolate pudding at the airport. The people who don't take any are members of ISIS. It's just that simple.
I grab my bag and hoof it to Hertz. I'm an idiot and I am an hour late for my pickup. Oops. Will an Audi A3 suffice? I sigh and I accept my Teutonic quattro chariot. I do a burnout in the parking garage and hightail it to the exit. I flash my #1 card and my ID and the gatekeeper gives me the go ahead. I get onto the the strip and traffic is awful. I'm going to be late for dinner. I make a left onto Russell Road and hightail it up the 15. I manage to get the car up to 100 as I pass the Luxor. My phone is dead so I can't message Bart about being late. Fuck. The exit approaches quickly as I put the 4 wheel disk brakes to work and sling the car around and head south on Las Vegas Bl. I accidentally turn into the Bellagio and I'm now running even more late. Fuck. Eventually, I get the car into the garage at the Cosmopolitan and head upstairs. I cannot remember the name of the restaurant but I head up to the third floor where all the restaurants are and I see this sign that's reminiscent of my days in retail.
It says RESTAURANT - LOUNGE - PAWN SHOP.
I laugh. I walk in. It's literally a pawnshop. I look around puzzled.
FC: Is this a restaurant?
Bald Headed Guy: Yes, through that door.
He points towards a door. I walk in to find a bustling restaurant, lounge via the entrance of pawnshop. This is insane. I pass a mirror and check myself out. I adjust my tie, after all it is YSL and the ladies LOVE YSL. Remember that. I find the hostess and inform her I will be joining some friends for dinner. They probably do not have me on the reservation though but I turn on the charm and she smiles and says no problem at all. She asks if my tie is from Hermes. I say no, I'm a YSL guy. She looks impressed as I tell her I'll make a quick lap of the room to see if they're there and surprise them. She gives me a nod and tells me to go right ahead. Still got it.
I spot bart and his wife who I can only remember vaguely from gunnitlive after party video and I pull up a chair. Bart is surprised to see I made it and they are in the middle of dinner. They offer to ply me with food and beverage but I decline as I'm driving so no booze for me and no food since I am stuffed from Dallas. We chat about life and liberty over libations. Bart's wife thinks I am hysterical. She's had a few drinks and they are already into their main courses. The brussels sprouts are way too salty and we have to send it back. No bueno.
Bart invites me up to his suite on the top floor of the hotel where we are to meet
Brogelicious later in the evening. I say, when in rome......we head to the top floor of the hotel tower where Bart shows me his view from the balcony and cracks open the mini bar for some more libations. He asks if I want a drink and I say I better not. I'm driving.
Not 30 seconds after arriving, brogel shows up. Bart's wife hugs brogel. She's infatuated with him. We start shooting the shit and bart opens up the minibar and tells us to take anything we want, it's on the hotel. I laugh and I look outside as bart opens his yeti 110 for some silver bullets. Apparently he is so baller the hotel will send up a yeti 110 filled with beer to make him happy. His wife is apparently such a baller. I ball on a budget. They just ball. Hahaha.
We shoot the shit some more about guns, gun stuff and people on the reddit for a while. I get a little thirsty and I crack open bart's cooler. I ask him how long the stuff in the cooler is supposed to last and he says until Wednesday.
I look down and I am agape at what I see.
We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.
I mentally prepared my butthole and I decided to help myself to a coors light against my wishes but Bart, Bart's wife and Brogel are all drinking so I let peer pressure take hold as I cracked open a beer with them. We head out to the balcony to smoke some cuban cigars together as bart's wife takes a photo of all of us. We all look like hell. Haha.
As bart downs his second beer, he asks me a question.
Bart: ever go hunting?
Me: Ducks a little bit but not much
Bart: ever want to hunt some deadly game?
Me: Like on african safari?
Bart: No, I mean like.........man.
Me: Hahahahhahaaha you're just fucking with me. Hahahahahhaa. That's really funny.
Bart: No really, the concierge here at this hotel will set it up for us. It's amazing. I remember my first hunt......
Brogel starts laughing and I realize they've been doing a bit. I've been had.
We bullshit about SHOT and Barrett's shotguns and other things and next thing I know, it's late but bart hands me a mixed drink. I sip it a bit and I was in the middle of a tirade complaining about my customers. Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the city, and a voice was screaming: Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals? Nobody seems to understand what I'm talking about. It's cold on the balcony. Our cigars are done. We head indoors. No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastards will see them soon enough.
Back indoors I realize Brussels sprouts and coors light is a bad choice. Seriously no bueno. I excuse myself to the bathroom and drain the vein. The asparagus funny smelling pee and the side effects of beer and brussels sprouts is a noxious combination that a defense contractor should weaponize it. It's pretty bad and not even cuban tobbaco can mask the smell.
I sit back down and continue to talk about guns and stuff with bart and the gang and bart asks who ruined the bathroom. I apologize as he sprays a bunch of febreze around and opens the balcony. I apolgize to brogel. He is not accepting my apology. (sorry :( )
Nearly 11, it's about time to pull chocks and mosey on down the dusty trail. I don't want to prompt an evacuation of the hotel due to noxious odors so I decide to leave and bart seems to be kinda mad that I've ripped ass and polluted the sanctuary of his hotel. Half a coors light and brussels sprouts are no bueno in my book now. Bart decides to party hard with his wife and I offer brogel a ride home. He seems skeptical to share a confined space with me after I have just destroyed bart's hotel room. The car has 4 windows and the Uber will cost him a few bucks he can put towards ammo. He relents as we head down to the garage to find my car. Thankfully we find it quickly and I manage to contain the weapons of ass destruction for the 16 minute ride off strip to casa de brogel.
He says I'm not that bad a dude and I agree as I hightail it to my hotel. I cannot find my hotel reservations so I call my travel agent to see.
Apparently the Wynn was not in my travel budget this year. I have come to find out I have been booked at Circus Circus, much to my chagrin. How bad could it be? I've stayed at the Wynn. I've stayed at Encore. I've stayed at the hotel that Elisabeth Shue's character got raped in in Leaving Las Vegas - but Circus Circus? Did I mention that I HATE CLOWNS? I HATE CLOWNS. Fuck.
I pull into the parking garage and the check in line resembles something straight out of the TSA line at Mccarran. 45 minutes to check in. The clerk is friendly and says he's also from Louisiana which is neat. He asks if I've stayed there before and I, being a connoisseur of old vegas history I decide to make a joke and I tell him the last time I was there, Jay Sarno owned the place. He got a laugh. I head up to my room and unpack. The lobby is clean as an old vegas casino can be, the room is clean and there's no way to plug anything in since the hotel predates personal electronic devices. I plug my phone into my external battery and collapse on the bed. I message Bart and
chugbleach instead of falling asleep about show tomorrow and I offer to pick bart up early since there is no shuttle from the cosmo.
Tuesday, November 16th SHOT Show Day One I awoke several hours later in a daze......the clock said 10AM. The show opened at 8:30. Fuck me to tears. I hurry up and get dressed and down to the sands convention center. The parking lot is FULL. The entire complex is a mess. When my man Steve Wynn built his joint he didn't build enough parking. So people would park at the Venetian and now FUCKING NOBODY CAN GET A PARKING SPACE. Holy shit. I eventually say fuck it and park over at the Wynn and walk over to the Sands. I meet up with a few of my regular suppliers and I see nothing interesting at all. Bart went to bed at 6AM after spending all night partying with his wife over at the palazzo. I joke and say that he just should have stayed there. Bart is amazed at the size of the show and we have lunch at the most disgusting place in las vegas - the convention center bistro snack bar. Bart is a wise man as he grabs a powerade and a fruit cup. I decide to try an "italian beef" and a fruit cup instead of fries to stay semi health conscious. The "italian beef" is the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. It is flat out depressing. They give me fries with it and I demand a fruit cup. The sassy black woman working the stand asks me "DID YOU ASK FOR FRUIT? CAUSE RIGHT HERE SAYS FRIES" and I channel my inner Louis CK from the "this is how I talk" bit from SNL as I shoot back "WHY YOU FRONTIN ON ME I ASKED FOR FRUIT AND YOUR ASS BETTER BACK UP AND GET ME SOME FRUIT" so she goes back and gets me some fruit.
The "italian beef", my fruit cup, bart's fruit cup and powerade comes to $81. My platinum amex comes out and I treat bart to "lunch". We bullshit about guns and stuff in the Springfield booth as we wait at the world's worst concession stand. We eat and Bart is so hungover that he thinks he is in need of physical therapy and a wheelchair. There is no way he is going to party tonight before his trip home. Or so I think. Haha.
I meander around the show a bit more and I find this, the most USELESS PRODUCT OF 2017. It's made by a company called radetec.
http://imgur.com/a/GOiCB It's a shot counter. For your gun.
A digital odometer, for your gun.
The only person that would buy this is the guy like my dad that kept a spiral bound notebook in his car where he documented how many miles he traveled per tank, gallons dispensed, PRICE, service station and whether they had a different price for cash/charge, oil consumption, tire rotations, alignments, all services - scheduled or otherwise, and a running odometer. Does anyone know the gun owner who asks for a round count when they are looking at a used gun? The question I always shoot back is "do you want to be lied at a little or do you want to be lied at a lot?" because that's what you're asking for when you ask for round count.
UNLESS YOU BUY THIS PRODUCT!
I roll my eyes so far back into my head that I nearly lose my balance. This is idiotic. I cannot fathom anyone willing to buy this. What a waste of perfectly good exhibition space.
Bart heads back to his hotel after visiting SHOT show for a few hours, not getting any swag and to get an IV of fluids since he looked like he was rapidly approaching grim death.
I wrap up visiting prime vendors and checking out the new products, or lack thereof because I have something on the schedule. At 4:30 there's a suicide prevention for retailers seminar hosted by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. As many of you know this is an issue that is important to me and perhaps we as retailers should be doing more. The keynote was from their chief medical director talking about the accessibility of firearms and the mindset of the "typical" suicide. Mostly men. If you are a veteran you are at a significantly larger risk. The information was presented very not surprisingly and one of the things discussed was that we only spend around 21M a year on suicide prevention.
A few take away facts from the keynote:
When suicide barriers are put up on a bridge, suicide rates for the entire area drop. The key to preventing suicide is getting people to talk about their problems. Once you can get someone out of that mindset, they are statistically less likely to do it and live productive lives afterwards. There are certain terms that they are trying to get away from - for instance, they are not saying "committed suicide" they are now saying "died by suicide" in order to bring awareness and tell it like it is.
One thing that really was interesting to me was my reading on the flight in from Dallas. In The Tipping Point, Gladwell discusses how things stay the same and suddenly they all change. One of the things that he discusses is in micronesia - where teen suicide was practically unheard of became an outright epidemic. One teenager did it, for reasons passing understanding to me as an outsider and then all the other kids realized that they too could escape their pain by hanging themselves as well and suddenly the suicide rates in micronesia became so high to where it became a public health issue. I wish I could show you all the article I wrote on TTAG about my friend's death but it has been lost in the cloud and I am unable to find the last draft I sent to print, but it echoes some of the problems we have with suicide and mental health in the firearm industry.
After the keynote, the good doctor opened the floor up for questions. Her keynote posed a lot of statistics but not a lot of answers. I am a detail oriented granular data guy and I did not get a solid grasp of the AFSP solutions posed, if any.
Several firearm dealers discussed the lack of a cohesive solution and the takeaway was they're trying to develop awareness for the suicide problem. Their goal is to lower suicide rates but how they get there is yet to be determined. I didn't like hearing that and the comments from the crowd reflected the lack of a "here's what you can do TODAY to help this problem" part of the initiative.
Going around the room, one dealer who used NICS said that if a customer was just flat out acting funny - he'd lie to the customer and say there was a delay with NICS even though there was an approval just to get them to not be able to have a gun for a few days. The crowd applauded this initiative, however I'm not sure lying to customers is the best way to run a business and treat them with respect. Another dealer brought up an interesting point. When someone comes in looking to buy a gun and they don't know what kind of gun they want, what caliber, and are generally clueless - they're either buying a gun to kill themselves with, OR perhaps they are a very uneducated prospective customer - and there is no clear way of finding out which is which.
The problems presented by the AFSP are real. The solutions aren't there though. Yet. Ideally I'd like to see some change to that. However, there's some problems.
I hung around and asked the good doctor and her staff some questions and I am in no way denigrating her life's work and her dedication to preventing suicide since she has dedicated her life's work to the issue, but the conversation went something like this.
Did you do any research on the accessibility of firearms from a retailer from the legal standpoint?
"No, we haven't"
Do you know how the NICS or state POC background systems work in regard to mental health holds, etc?
"No"
One of the problems that I foresee right off the bat is that you talked about how you are fighting time, and if you can get someone out of that suicide mindset - even for a few hours, you can get them into that higher survival bracket. If we apply a one size fits all solution to it like California and put a 10 day wait on everything with the goal of protecting someone from their own life, how do we balance that with the needs of the woman who has been hiding from her abusive spouse and needs a gun right away?
"That's a good question that I don't have an answer for."
Their initiative, I admire - the lack of solutions is a little off putting however. I tell the doc about how my friend's suicide has impacted me and she seems to be sympathetic to the situation as does her colleagues. I am given her cards and told to call the next time I'm in New York so we can get together and discuss things within the industry. I'll give them a buzz in a few weeks when I'm up there on business. On my way out of the hall, I run into Massad Ayoob. Nice guy. I've admired his work over the years. Bart invites myself and
chugbleach to dinner, I can't reach Chug and even though I am beat I decide to hang out with Bart and Mrs Bart
Bart: What do you want to eat?
FC: Let's find a nice seafood restaurant and eat some red salmon, I feel a powerful lust for red salmon.
I begin vomiting.
God damn mescaline. Why the fuck can't they make it a little less pure?
We eventually head downstairs and order too much food. We are tired and not very hungry. Bart is still hungover and barely able to process food. His wife is grazing on all sorts of meat products. I am in awe of how they are both still upright after six nonstop nights of partying. I've only been here one day and I feel like I am about to die.
Dinner concludes with an awkward hug with bart's wife - I don't know how other men feel about wife hugs so I have just avoided the prospect entirely. Like flying through Denver on Frontier. Or flying on Frontier. Ever.
I drive over to the Wynn to set up my markers and the poker room is full. I draw a $2500 marker at the craps table and watch the game a bit. I have never played craps before in my life but the three people there seem to be having fun.
I look down at my phone and I realize a plane has landed.
fluffy_butternut has landed in Las Vegas on business. I had lost a bet and offered to pick him up from the airport. I cash back in my chips against my casino credit and head back to my car. I cannot find my car. Fuck. I wander the wynn garage which is covered in construction debris. I eventually find it and haul ass to the airport. Now, I didn't know this but fluffy has the WORST SENSE OF DIRECTION AT ALL. Seriously. I have no idea how he even made it to the correct city. He lands and has to get his bag and stuff and I circle the airport. He lets me know he's at door 77 wherever the fuck that was. I drive into the pickup portion and I see no sign. He then says he's coming up a level, and I tell him that I'll be there shortly. I park the car and Metro PD starts yelling.
Metro: You can't park your car here.
FC: Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park?
Metro: Reasonable? You're on a sidewalk! This is the sidewalk!
I give the man a $20 and tell him to keep it running as I wander Mccarran screaming FLUFFY! HERE FLUFFY! I message fluffy to let him know I am the car parked on the sidewalk. I instantly figure out who he is having never seen a photo of him and I throw his bags into the car as we head for his hotel. I haul ass out of the airport and get the A3 on the highway.
Now this was a superior machine. Thirty nine grand worth of gimmicks and high-priced special effects. The rear windows lit up with a touch like frogs in a dynamite pond. The dashboard was full of esoteric lights and dials and meters that I would never understand.
We check in at the Rio where the desk clerk is friendly and flirty. I express amazement there is no line. Fluffy checks in and we take his bags upstairs and he offers to buy me food for driving him to the airport. I decline. We head to the bar anyways. He orders two beers and we decide to call chug. He's staying out in Summerlin or something because his company is apparently run by cheapskates. He asks if we want to hang out and shoot the shit. I say sure and ask if he wants us to pick up food or anything from CVS or something since I have the car and I'm able to do anything I want. He asks for some toothpaste. No problem. I may be an asshole on the internet but I have a heart of gold. We get some toothpaste get to the hotel.
Arriving at the lobby, we have no idea where he is. It turns out he gave us the address for the hotel across the street. We laugh and go to that lobby and shoot the shit till 3AM much to the chagrin of the hotel clerk. Fluffy has some beers and we plan on dinner the next day. I drive fluffy back and arrive at the hotel at 4. Fuck me to tears.
Wednesday, January 18th. Day 2 of SHOT show. Alarm goes off at 7:30 AM. I wash up, eat and get breakfast. In the garage by 8:15. Nice. I get some dillo dust and check out the new Sig 220 DA/SA and SAO legions. Daddy likey. I go to a competing firm and I piss of my state sales manager by telling him his newer designed triggers suck ass. He says the company tested them and they're the same in every way. I ask him why the triggers have two different part numbers in the catalog and how come they're not interchangeable and if that's really the case, how come there's X changes in the supposedly identical pistol parts that he's holding side by side. He gets mad at me and says I'm not an expert on their product and perhaps I should take his job since I'm so smart. I agree that I'm smart and I hold firm that if he didn't want me to complain about the shitty trigger, they should stop selling guns with shitty triggers. I am nearly kicked out of the booth.
I meet up with some of my wholesale reps and I'm mid convo when I see
Itsgoodsoup and his friend walking around the show. I yell SOUP but he does not hear me. So I grab his friend and find him and I tell him we should get together at dinner with fluffy and chug. He agrees.
The show winds down, I get some business done and nothing much else. We break for a shitty gunnit live lite and I take a few questions from the crowd in fluffy's suite at the Rio. Dinner is at 8 and we arrive at the restaurant late to find soup and his friend sitting at one table and chug and his girlfriend sitting at another. Perhaps we should have gotten here a little earlier. Hahaha. So, fluffy said the place is really good and I order a few of the specialties of the house. Apparently according to yelp they do a kickass peking duck. Soon to be mrs chug is a vegan. But we can eat meat in front of her. I wonder how it's served and Soup's vancouver raised asian friend tells me that they normally carve it tableside. Our vegan says as long as there's no head she's cool. We're not sure if they can fulfill that request. So we order and food starts coming out and we tell tall tales of shot show BS and other stuff. Sure enough, the duck comes out with the head. No bueno. Haha. But I decide to treat us to vegan donuts at the vegan bakery across the street later. Seven courses later we are full. Vegan bakery closed. I am committed to getting her some vegan donuts though. We head to Fremont street to gamble. Fluffy wanders about and we try craps and we're not impressed. We hit some slots and eventually I hit the craps table where chug explains the game to me. We start betting on dice. And somehow we start winning. I find that the house allows you to take 10X behind the line. No idea what this means so I plop $5 on the pass line and the point hits 6. I drop $50 behind it and it hits. We go a few rounds and leave ahead. It's 2:30 AM. Fuck. I drive everyone back to their hotel. I get to sleep around 4.
Thursday, January 19th. Day 3 of SHOT show. Wake up at 10AM feeling like crap. Debate whether to head straight to show and wander about. Fuck it. Went to halal guys for some halal. Delicious. Got vegan donuts. Dead drop them at the Palazzo lobby for chug and his girl. Show is a bust. Literally nothing exciting. Fluffy offers to buy me dinner. One of my customers who lives in Summerlin offers to take me to dinner. I pass on fluffy and he destroys the seafood buffet at the rio. I head to Sinatra at the Wynn for dinner with my customer. All good in the hood. Chug has been invited to the Glock dinneafter party and I'm not so we all go our separate ways. I call
foghorn5950 and due to some weather, he's flying home early and our plans to hangout are fucked up unless I go tonight. I grab fluffy and we head to Whiskey Down. He orders a makers and I give him a funny look. I tell the waitress make it a bulleit. Everyone laughs. I talk shop with Jeremy also from TTAG and we shoot the shit over cigars and talk about useless products. Next thing we know, chug is out of the dinner and wandering the strip. We decide to meet up at the Linq. It takes us nearly 30 minutes to get out of Whiskey Down at MGM because the waitress was awful and messed up everyone's tab. It was a fucking disaster. To boot, MGM is now charging for parking.
FC: What a bunch of fucking jews
Fluff: You should just tailgate that lady in front of you out and screw them out of the $7
FC: I should
We pull behind her and watch as she gets flustered at the awful parking machine. Her nevada license plate says VETERAN. As the gate goes up we haul ass and screw MGM out of $7. I shout "THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE" out the window as we blow right by her up to the Linq. Through fluffy's awful navigation, we wind up at the loading dock for the Linq. Eventually we find chug and gf hanging at the penny slots. They are holding vegan donuts, which she is very appreciative of. Least I could do after showing her the head. Fluffy plays the House of Cards slot machine.
He stuck $100 in, played for 6 minutes and then got really mad and hit the cash out button and $80 was left after 5 minutes.
ITS EXACTLY LIKE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!
Chug's gf asks to play a special slot machine called kitty glitter. We ask and the linq does not offer it but Harrahs next door does. So we head over there and the slot tech finds the kitty glitter machine. Fluffy sticks a C note in there and tells her to play and have a blast. So she's banging away at the one armed bandit WHEN SUDDENLY I HEAR THE SOUND.
It's PUTTIN ON THE RITZ in shitty .wav file internal speaker format. Hahah. She's just hit the progressive jackpot on the penny KITTY GLITTER machine. THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! We cash out after some play and a good time was had by all. I dump off fluffy at the rio since it was very close and drive everyone else back. It's late, I'm tired and the Palace Station oyster bar is open 24 hours......I head over there and there's a 45 minute wait.
So, I pull out my backup bankroll and using everything chug and fluffy have taught me about craps I belly up to the $3 min table where they let you take 10x behind the line. I'm still learning and the table is slow so one of the boxmen start explaining the game to me.
Box: So if you place the 6 or the 9 or individual numbers you can bet those but you gotta pay a little juice on it like a commission
Me: Like when you buy the hook?
short pause Box: Yeah! Exactly like that! You got this!
So I played a little and went up a bit and down a bit. As you do. Plunked $5 down on the pass line and took full odds and the point hit. This game is pretty cool! So I hung around and watched for about an hour and finally decided to eat my winnings. I take $5 off my stack and, drop it on the pass line and announce dealer bet - $5 to pass. It hits. The dealers love me.
Maybe Vegas isn't so bad after all.
http://imgur.com/a/LGhDj I have the pan roast at the oyster bar. No line. It is DELICIOUS. I get back to the hotel at 5AM. I don't care when I wake up.
Friday, January 20th. Day 4 of SHOT show. Wake up around noon feeling like crap. Go to show. Debate destroying milk cart with wheels with an ax borrowed from fire station. Decide against it. Gas up car and find myself out by palace station again. Played some craps, hit the buffet and went for an early sleep.
It's midnight. The neighbors in my the hotel are having sex. A LOT OF SEX. I can hear everything. I gently knock on the door. No answer. I knock slightly harder. No answer. I head back to my room and close the door just as I hear their door open. I zoom back out to find a puzzled middle aged stocky and perhaps sticky Latino man looking both ways.
I get in his line of sight.
Me: Hey. I'm next door. It sounds like you're having a lot of fun. I get it. I really do. In fact I haven't had sex since the bush administration so I'm gunning for you man I really am. But it's midnight and I have a 6am flight and a rental car to return. So trust me when I say I'm really happy for you but if you don't mind I really need to get some sleep tonight okay?
The awkward silence is deafening. He nods without saying a word and mouths okay. I give him a manly nod and thumbs up.
Me: thanks. I'd shake your hand or fist bump but well you know.....
I give him a peace sign as he goes back into his little pleasure palace and I turn to realize that I have just locked myself out of my room. I am wearing boxers, a tshirt and barefoot. I head downstairs to the lobby. The check in at the front desk resembles the TSA line at Mccarran. Normally I would not be this rude but desperate times call for desperate measures.
The line is 50 people deep. I walk past every person. Fuck your queue. I approach the desk where someone is helping a guest and I raise my right hand as if I were in a deposition to get them to stop. The staff and guest looks puzzled as the angry barefoot man clad in nothing but boxers and a "uzi does it" tshirt approaches the desk.
Me: excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt. I have an emergency. I'm up on 8 and my neighbors are having a lot of sex. I mean a LOT of sex.
(This is the same front desk clerk who actually checked me in Monday night by coincidence looks back at me very awkwardly and puzzled.)
Me: this isn't your regular sex. I'm talking this is your (I begin air humping the front desk and slapping the granite counter with my palm and grunting loudly) sex. You could hear the plan B packaging open.
At this point - the ENTIRE FRONT DESK STAFF HAS STOPPED CHECKING IN GUESTS. The people in line and are watching the show. The clerk is stunned. Speechless. Shock and awed. Crapped out and busted. The women are covering their children's eyes and ears. The men are wondering if this show requires a 2 drink minimum.
Me: now I get this is Vegas. Everyone wants a good time. It's midnight. My flight leaves at 6 which means I have to be up by 4. And this just isn't working. So I asked them to keep it down and I locked myself out of my room. So if you can make me another key or move me I'd appreciate it.
The clerk nods.
Clerk: of course. may I see your ID?
Years of ballet have prepared me for this day. I step back to make sure my genitals are still ensconced in my boxers as I pirouette and gesticulate wildly.
Me: DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE ID?
The floor manager steps over and asks me to head down to the end of the desk where she will make me a key. I give her the room number and thank her after she offers to have security sent up to shutdown the best little whorehouse in Vegas. I tell her it may not be necessary. As I take my keys and walk away the people in line break out in raucous applause.
I take a bow and miraculously my boxer shorts don't rip. These people are my subjects and I have been crowned the the king of the three ring circus that is the circus circus lobby. Im offered a $1 tip from a kind soul but I decline.
My walk back to the hotel elevator bank is uneventful. So much so that I realize it is going too well. The other shoe, if I were wearing one felt as if it was about to drop. Suddenly a dumbass in a rascal scooter is heading toward me at flank speed as his head is turned to look at everyone BEHIND HIM. There's no way this will end well.
For you gentle readers joining us mid conversation - it's midnight and I need to be at the airport in 4.5 hours. I can just see it now. (Cue the harp noises)
Scene: Emergency room
Nurse: Allergic to anything? Me: NKDA Nurse: cause of injury? Me: what's the IC10 code for "run down by drunken buffoon on motorized wheelchair?"
I saw my life and confirmed upgraded first class seats home being given away by the Mccarran gate agent flash before my eyes and my catlike reflexes kicked in and I jumped to my left into the wall, mid 1960's Las Vegas union construction being the path of least resistance. Think "The Bodyguard" with Kevin Costner.
The buffoon barely realizes what happens. Children are amazed. "HEY MOM! Look! That guy just ran into a wall!"
Me: it was that OR GET RUN DOWN BY SOME JACKASS ON A GODDAMN SCOOTER GOING FULL SPEED DRIVING LIKE A....
I look down and a midwestern nuclear family with two children of formative age are waiting for the elevator. I change my last word.
Me: LUNATIC!
I look over to the parents.
Me: I'm really sorry. This is a family joint and I shouldn't have cursed the drunken scooter driver like that. Sorry kids.
Parent: no big deal. They've heard fucking worse.
I crack a smile at her word choice. Fucking worse. Yeah. That sounds like my evening.
After jumping into a wall, I'm now wide awake and unable to go back to sleep. I make the plane and push on time. The 737 comes to a stop short of the runway and holds. Something is wrong. The pilots come on and say that they loaded more cargo and passengers than planned so they have to redo their numbers. We're waiting on the taxiway with both engines running as they do this and the waiting music comes on. What's the first song?
Whitney Houston - "I Will Always Love You"
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