You see, my uncle was always a strong guy. I remember growing up, he used to lift me and my cousins up, 2 on his back and one in each arm with zero effort.
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But as he and I grow older, and I matured as a man – I could tell that he was broken. He went through relation after relationship time after time until he was a shell of the man I once knew him to be.
The problem was, he and many other men born in his time were in a grey area where there was a transition on the actions, thoughts and attitudes of women. It was a change from staunch conservativism to a free, and equal society where feminism was taking a foothold where many women got their freedom through the condom and the birth control pill. Now, after a statement like the former, I must say this, I am not anti-feminist nor do I hate or dislike women. In fact, by definition, if you want the health and good welfare of women then by definition you are a feminist. As with my uncle, times are changing for me, my cousins, my brother and friends as well. When you are in the public eye, you have to clarify matters in a very low context society such as North America.
If he was only born 20, 15, or even 10 years earlier, then he would be in a time where studies have shown more women were staying in and wanting committed relationships. Plus, the sense of less options for women and the thoughts of absconding and going out alone into the world was out of the question for many females. Now, I am not saying that less options are good or bad choice for women, but I am reflecting on the understanding of what once was held to be acceptable.
My uncle was stuck, he was in the grey area – the middle – where there was a transition of values and focus. With his old school mindset in a new school world, he got swallowed and destroyed.
It first started with the love of his life. She ran him over the coals. He started as an alpha male but was slowly chipped away at by the woman in his life until he got betacized. How did it happen? Well, remember, a woman’s primary unwritten role in your relationship will be to attempt to turn you into a Beta by constantly chipping away at your masculine frame. As I have said before, thrive in the idea that she will chip away at you and turn it from a negative to a positive. You will have the advantage since you already know it is bound to happen, thus you can prepare for it. And a man that is prepared will be able to flourish in any environment and get more love and attention from his partner.
Her secondary unwritten relationship role to break you through your weaknesses and it is your role as a man to see through this attempt and keep frame. As a man, you should prepare for this as well – personally, I hate surprises in my work life and relationships. Thus, I am a man that comes prepared and can engage well, especially in relationships. Why? Because I know what is coming and can see it a mile away. So I am never caught off-guard plus I can interact well in any relationship dynamic, whether it is work, school, family or romance.
Back to my uncle – now don’t get me wrong, my uncle was and still is a great guy but being a great guy isn’t a shield against power dynamics in a relationship. Like I said, he was caught in between two irreconcilable schools of thought, and he was an old school kind of guy. You could always tell by a man’s eye whether or not he is being broken and my uncle’s eyes told a thousand tales.
It is a fact that not all marriages will work out for various reasons. These include sex becoming (almost) non-existent, finances crippling relationships, desires for attention outweighing the desire to be loved, social media interfering with your intimate relationships and social media keeping partners disconnected from the real world.
Now, once again, I don’t hate women, nor do I dislike women – I understand women. And this is the knowledge I am trying to impart to you, my brothers.
A marriage can make or break you. If you find yourself in a great marriage then congratulations, you are now one of a few people that can actually say such a thing and on the flip side, a bad marriage is a never-ending nightmare for many. Thus, it is best to lower the chances of a marriage failing by really getting to know someone, look out for red flags, including signs of a transactional relationship and cohabitating to test if a marriage can actually work. I wholeheartedly agree on the point of cohabitation as a testing ground for marriage. And it seems, so does a lot of other people.
One of the main problems he had was that he was too nice. Now, you can be nice but not TOO NICE. Instead of saying, we will do movies on Friday then go for a walk Saturday morning, he would say, “What do you want to do on the weekend?” The problem is this, it is okay to ask this sort of question once the relationship is established and if the question isn’t asked too much but if you do this at the beginning of any relationship, then you are setting the tone of the relationship.
In relationships, there is a constant power dynamic shift. Many men fail to realize this and that is why they fail to maintain their relationships. You have heard me say, maximize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses and in the case of my uncle, his weaknesses were being maximized and exploited. As Heartiste as said,

In the betterment of ourselves as men we attract women into our orbit. To accomplish this gravitational pull as painlessly and efficiently as possible, you must identify your natural talents and shortcomings and parcel your efforts accordingly. If you are a gifted jokester, don’t waste time and energy trying to raise your status in philosophical debate. If you write well but dance poorly, don’t kill yourself trying to expand your manly influence on the dancefloor. Your goal should be to attract women effortlessly, so play to your strengths no matter what they are; there is a groupie for every male endeavor.

He further doubled down by being afraid to lose her. My uncle also made the mistake of doubling down instead of halving. He needed to have exuded a confidence and laid back attitude where “what happens, happens.” Thus, he succumbed to the whims of the women in his life and they slowly destroyed him. He became a shell of the man he once was and these women then exited the relationship in the search for another Alpha male to destroy if he fails to maintain his frame. My uncle did many things but what he didn’t do was get the right woman to partner with relationships and matching for marriage is a very important step in life. You match with the wrong person and it is game over. But, if you match with the right woman then your life can be the best it has ever been.
He didn’t ignore her beauty. This is a popular downfall for men. Be a man that knows to ignore a woman’s beauty and focus on the value she brings to your life. Remember, a woman’s beauty will fade so focus on how she can compliment your life. You should get into relationships to bring a positive effect on your life, not a negative one. Too many men go down the wrong paths because they are too obsessed with beauty to the point that they are caught off guard in life. Don’t become powerless under the spell of beauty. Only give compliments when it is earned and deserved, not as a tool to get a woman to notice you. A man that doles out compliments without reason is a fool because he is just showing how weak he truly is by focusing on beauty instead of value.
He further didn’t maintain frame control because he mostly didn’t ignore her beauty. Now, there is nothing wrong with not ignoring her beauty and not maintaining frame control… if you lived in the 1940s. Those are two consecutive life sentences in “relationship court” if you fail at this in present day times.
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HERE IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW TIMES CHANGE: https://worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhhtxIQuaA05rY7Y7u
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WHAT IS IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP. In a real loving relationship, both partners trust, love and RESPECT each other. Cheating, lying have become normalized in society and even more so in modern day relationships. This is because there is no respect.
In any relationship, you should never feel like you need to sell yourself or pay for someone’s time. That is more of a transactional relationship than anything. Seek true validating relationships and you will never go wrong. You need to meet your partner’s emotional needs and they should meet yours as well.
Validating relationships. When you are in a validating relationship, you are heard and understood. These relationships can have joy and excitement, make people open and vulnerable in a good way, as well as have the power to calm their fears and concerns. These relationships are just not romantic but can display themselves in the professional arena as well as in family relationships and dynamics.
How to Validate. Validating relationships are the best types of relationships. These relationships typically have each partner doing two main things: identifying what emotion the other partner is feeling as well as offering or adding justification for feeling that emotion. In other words, communicate effectively and have empathy as the part of the foundation of your relationship.
For example, your partner has had a long day so they confide in you what has happened to them:

She was yelled at by a customer at her workplace because she was taking too long to get an item, then she comes back and tells the customer they have none in stock. The customer already spoke with someone on the phone and they verified that the product was in stock. But it seems inventory is always a bit off so she gets yelled at since that customer drove a long way.

How should you reply? Remember, empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another’s position. So, it might be tempting to jump in with a bit of advice or assurance but research as shown that validating first is the better decision before offering any type of advice (at first) – this is often the best way to help.
Reply like this: “I’m so sorry that happened to you. Being yelled at is awful. Take some time if you need it.”
First, identify the emotion your partner is feeling then offer justification for feeling that emotion. Next, hold off on advice as the first thing you do and show her that you hear and understand where she is coming from. Then, demonstrate respect and appreciation in a way that will instantly strengthen your connection. This might sound like non-sense, simple or easy but it works wonders in building a relationship.
Validating Responses. There are countless ways to validate in a relationship – as long as you show the other person that you recognize and accept their emotions, you’re validating.
Such as:
“Yup, that would be a very sad situation for me too.”
“You have every right to celebrate; that was a major achievement!”
“She is really getting aggressive. I’d be angry too!”
“I’m so happy for you. You’ve worked extremely hard on that project. It must feel amazing to finally close the deal.”
Each of these responses mentions a specific emotion and shows some justification for or acceptance of it – this shows you not only feel what she is or was going through, but you understand her.
Also, remember that you can understand her but you must also keep frame, don’t get swept up in her emotional state (and break frame). You can understand and be empathic towards her but remember that you cannot invite low vibrational energy into your life. Don’t let her get you into an emotional vice-grip – maintain your manly frame and energy.
Invalidating Responses. Invalidating responses can often be born out of good intentions. These are responses that minimizes or dismisses her feelings such as:
“You know, it can be worse.”
“Suck it up, buttercup.”
“You’ll be fine.”
“Stop acting like a child and be an adult.”
“Don’t worry; things will work out.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
These types of responses weaken your romantic relationships and can make many situations worse. They suggest that the other person is being irrational and/or should not feel the way they are feeling. This is the exact opposite of how they’re hoping to feel by speaking or confiding with you. Learn to catch these responses and change them into validating ones, and you’ll be surprised at the difference it makes.
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The bottom line. A validating relationship is a must if you want your romantic endeavours to survive and prosper. You need to be empathetic and so does your partner as well as know how to communicate effectively. At the core of humanity, it’s about connection. We are social creatures. So, when you get the chance to make an impact on someone’s life, go deep with them. Ask questions. Encourage them. Give them your undivided attention. Actively listen.
Your understanding of the person sitting/standing across from you speaks volumes when they get around to telling someone else about you, whether indirectly or during an introduction.
Who knows? You may change the world one person at a time starting with your own romantic endeavours.
Just don’t be a good guy like my uncle that was caught up between having old school values in a new school world and just not knowing what to do.

The alpha widow is the woman that is widowed due to her past relationship. She was with an Alpha male or what she views as an Alpha male and will judge every man before and after by this standard.
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The instant you approach this alpha widow you will be judged. She will instantly compare any and all men to the standard that was the alpha man in her life.
Women like this are hard to please and have an over-inflated sense of self. How she views the world is not realistic. She wants to date the top 5% of men and feels the latter 95% are beneath her.
The Alpha that was in her life has given her a skewed view of the world. He was the type of man that knew how to interact well with a woman. He knows what to say and how to say it. He knew when to say it and where to say. He even knew why he was saying it.
This man knew that women want to feel like they have to do work and overcome obstacles to truly win a man. For a man with options is a man without need and women crave a challenge to capture the interest of a man from another woman’s competition. He knew that a man that is too tunnel visioned on a woman and gives his emotions to a woman too easily will be replaced with haste since a woman will find satisfaction in earning affection rather than getting it so easily. Let her earn and yearn for your fulfillment.
Women want men whom other women want to be with and procreate with – social proof. It is essential to understand that no woman wants a man that no other woman wants. Women don’t care about your struggle(s), they will metaphorically wait at the finish line for all the successful men in life to show up and choose from the winners. Furthermore, resources, protection and attention keeps women engaged and this alpha man knew this. He knew to flirt with other women in front of her as this shows his social proof and is his social validation of value. He knew that jealousy, when played well can excite and entice any woman.
He knew how to be on his purpose and be a man of abundance that is set to a mission in life. For one of the worst things any man can do is abandon and forget his life goals in the quest and thrall of a woman.
He knew that any man that is set on proclaiming his undying love for a woman is a man whose relationship lifespan is dwindling. For most women will never tell you this but they do not want to be that one woman in your life unless they are the arbiter to that decision. Women will want to work for a man’s desire and subordinate themselves to his goals and purpose in life but seemingly only by their choice and decision. Furthermore, catching one-itis in a relationship is a death sentence. He knows not to get tunnel vision and he has options that will make him cool, calm, collected and a man with an abundance mindset.
This was why this man was viewed as an alpha and this is what she still yearns for as the alpha widow.
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THE ALPHA WIDOW:
Do you want to know if your woman sees you as an alpha? A woman will see you as an alpha if she has genuine burning desire for you. If you truly want this then ‘spin plates’ and let the cream rise to the top.
The alpha widow is set in her mindset of men. The only way you will be able to compare is if you are incredibly good looking (model looks), a baby or a cute kitten or puppy. I kid.
But, she has a dogged interest in discovering the weaknesses of men and exploiting that weakness to your detriment. Her ability to pair-bond may effectively is gone due to her multiple interactions and rendezvous with various men through-out her life. And this is an ever-increasing problem the more relationships she gets committed in that dissolve.
The alpha widow will test you, from the moment she lays eyes on you – she will test you in comparison to the alpha man that was.
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BETACIZATION THROUGH 1000 CONCESSIONS:
As Heartiste has put it, there is a golden ratio. This ratio is to re-enforce the idea of not being over-bearing and to create boundaries.
“Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more.”
You need to establish greater value for yourself, as well as show your laid-back attitude and indifference to her emotional states. Don’t get swept up into her emotional storm – stay firm and in frame. This is what many men fail to do and it is at this point that they spiral into betacization. You will be turned into a beta slowly and surely if YOU DO NOT KEEP FRAME.
Many men fail to keep their women guessing. They fail to keep her up and down on an emotional rollercoaster and that is why SHE GETS OFF THE RIDE. Women will ask questions they don’t want answers to, and say things she does not mean or want. If she knows exactly what you are thinking then you do not excite her, if she has to keep guessing what comes next then that is thrilling and she will crave more. A woman will want security in all ways except for passion. Furthermore, punish her swiftly and reward her slowly. This unpredictability will keep her on her toes and wanting to please you.
Many men fall into a comfortable role once the honeymoon phase of their relationship is over. This is one of the first cuts in the death of the relationship. Being set and comfortable in a role supplies predictability and predictability is a bad thing in any romantic relationship. Thus, additional betacization occurs.
Furthermore, these men have allowed themselves to be “kept” by being in a serious and committed relationship with a woman. These men do not have options they can fall back to and thus, the women in their lives know this and will take full advantage. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to cheat, I mean that you can leave the relationship and immediately find a great partner without issue if you do choose. Sometimes these options will be women that will orbit you because they find you to be taken yet a good catch. That is what having options truly means.
An alpha male strives for perfection yet he will never reach it. Perfection is a practice that is life long. In a relationship, strive to keep your woman happy by having her keep you happy first and foremost. Sometimes mistakes can happen and you may lose frame. It is okay to say sorry when wrong but constantly saying sorry will be constant reminders to her of your submission and thus another cut and concession is made.
Be a man and connect with your girl’s emotions. But, don’t simmer in them. BE IN YOUR OWN FRAME. This is important, you do not want to “be in your feelings” and get down to her emotional level. This will end in shouting matches at best and a man in a shouting match with a woman is out of frame and perspective and is by definition weak, even if it is only in that instant. If you get into a low vibrational frame then you will introduce negativity in your life and yet another cut and concession is made.
Do this instead – connect with your woman’s emotional landscape but in an understanding and empathetic level. It is good to understand and bond with her but not seethe in her feelings. Ask her questions about work in a general sense, if she is upset then console and cure her. If she is happy then relish in it. She will enjoy this and this will strengthen your bonds with her.
Be a man that knows to ignore a woman’s beauty and focus on the value she brings to your life. Remember, this woman’s beauty is perishable – it fades. Too many men go down the wrong paths because they are overtly obsessed with beauty to the point that they are blindsided by it. Don’t become powerless under the spell of beauty. Only give compliments when it is earned and deserved, not as a placeholder for courtship. A man that doles out compliments is a fool because he is just showing how weak he truly is and in turn he will give up another concession and become further betacized.
A man must maximize his strengths and minimize his weaknesses. In life, I work on what I am good at and so should you. If you want to be at the apex of anything then you need to be the best at it. The pursuit of a purpose is what drives the attraction of many women to us men – it is like a gravitational pull. It is imperative you identify your strengths as well as your shortcomings. If you are a talented coder then speak on the subject in conversation if physicality is not your best suit. If you are talented at cooking then cook instead of raising awareness to your poor conversation skills. The idea here is to play to your strengths – whatever they are.
One of the easiest concessions many men can avoid but often make is to not please their woman. You need to make love to her each and every night as if it is your last. Make her feel good emotionally and physically through passionate love making. Too many men fall into a mundane lifestyle of not putting their all into their love making. I was never one to do this because I knew the importance of intimacy and what it does to a relationship – it can make or break you. If you do not do this then you will be left or cheated on or cucked or just Beta’d.
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BETA’D:
Have you ever heard of a “death by 1000 cuts”? It’s a Chinese torture technique that is slow and painful. It is the equivalent of what a woman can and will do to your manhood over time if you let her. Except you won’t die, only your soul and manhood will. This is exactly what has happened to countless numbers of man over thousands of years.
If you have been beta’d then you have failed to have mastery over yourself. I see too many men that have been Beta’d because they bend the knee to a woman and although she feigns that she is okay with you doing everything she askes of you – the reality is, she despises you for it and will soon depart with haste. Thus. if you allow the woman/women in your life to make the rules then she will scorn you for it. She may never say it, or show it but deep down she will. Remember, women break rules for Alpha men and make MORE rules for the Betas in their lives.
You have been beta’d if you have lost your masculine frame and thus, your frame control is gone. This is where you have left your frame and entered her frame and have met any and all of her demands. You must play by your own rules as a man. For as soon as you abandon your rules, you are in the beta box – and this is what happens to most men.
A woman’s primary unwritten role in your relationship will be to attempt to turn you into a Beta by constantly chipping away at your masculine frame. It is up to you as a man to endure it and in fact, THRIVE IN IT. Once she sees that you may bend but never break, she will admire you even more.
Furthermore, it is her secondary unwritten relationship role to break you through your weaknesses. And it is your role as a man to see through this attempt and keep frame. She will attempt to walk all over you even though she wants you to stop her, she will attempt to give you ultimatums when in reality she wants them from you, she will be unpredictable in her moods but as long as you are steadfast she will know that she is in the gaze of a powerful man. Not power so much as in social standing, resources or monetary gains but powerful in being bowed but never broken.
Most men fail to maintain frame – all the crying, yelling, lying, head games, sexual withdrawal, jealousy ploys, pity plays, shit tests, being hot and cold or cold then hot, disappearing acts, and guilt trips take a toll and they get off-centre. If you do this then you are playing to your weaknesses and not your strengths. Don’t let her get you into an emotional vice-grip – maintain your manly frame and energy.
Furthermore, cautious men sometimes never get the girl, so be as bold as the early bird catching the worm. Women have amazing social intelligence and can sniff out your weakness and timidity a mile away. The nice ones will be nice but the mean ones will be nasty and exploit your weakness. This is how men slowly or sharply get turned into a beta – through their social interactions with women. The man that is not bold and is shy will be blasted and beaten down so much he turns into a cowardly beta as society chooses him to be.
Never be afraid to lose your girl. That fear will get you Beta’d. You will succumb to her whims and she will slowly destroy you and once you have become the pitiful shell of what was once Alpha, she will exit and look for another Alpha man to destroy if he fails to maintain his frame.
To maintain a masculine frame, self confidence is a must. With-out it, you will become effeminate in a negative way. Alpha men exude confidence like heat, a shine or an energy source. Copious self-confidence triggers submissive emotional responses in women while the antithesis gets you Beta’d.
If you have been Beta’d then you are no longer that authority figure and you will be removed from her presence in short time. Some of you reading now might not believe this fact but by your own anecdotal evidence over time, you will come to know it as truth.
Now, I am not saying to be toxic, what I am saying is for you to know how to be an interesting person with a gravitational pull, know how to escalate situations with women wisely, know when and how much to give, know that you can’t always be available and just be a good person at heart
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The BREAK-UP:
If you are at this point then there is no turning back – just like passing the event horizon of a black hole – it will be inevitable once you have been Beta’d. Near or far, it will happen. Either suddenly like a crash or slowly like a thief through the night. You may start to notice her always having to spend more time at the office, or talking more and more about a man from work, buying new fancy clothes to wear, going to the gym or going on a diet. These are all just tell-tale signs of the expiration date of your relationship.
Once you have been broken – there is no fixing of the relationship. You can’t fix her mindset of you. She will always have this mindset and the best strategy is not counselling but just to simply learn from your mistakes and move on.
We all make mistakes, even I have been here. Now, the real mistake is not learning from your mistake(s). You should learn from each and every bad situation you place yourself in and get better at it and in life. Just because one woman finds that you are a Beta does not mean another woman will. Being Alpha or Beta is subjective to each woman you meet. In fact, you can be Alpha to one woman and Beta to another all in the same day due to how each woman perceives you.
Just remember, be a genuine, honest, humble, interesting, candid person that is a great communicator. You should be empathetic and true to yourself while knowing how to be wise with your words. Know how to carry a conversation, have impeccable social skills, know how to build comfort and trust while being an interesting person with a gravitational pull and know how to escalate situations wisely.
This might seem like a lot but trust me it isn’t, just be a man on your purpose, treat people kindly, have some manners and know how to navigate tough (social) situations and you will be most or all of these things.
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SOME POINTS TO MAKE:
There is a difference between ‘gaming’ your woman and gaming your woman. The point is, women are not a game, but you should ‘game’ them as in put them on an emotional rollercoaster. Not in a negative sense as some bad boys do it but in a sense where you can’t emotionally plateau or stun your woman. Remember, women are emotional creatures and they need and crave the highs and lows - so give it to them. Being on an emotional rollercoaster isn't supposed to be bad. You can do it in a positive way, such as surprise dinners, surprise outings, and doing something new that excites your partner such as going dancing because she likes salsa or bachata. These all give a dopamine effect and bring on swells of emotions.
Too many people see being on an emotional rollercoaster as a negative. Because they have had experiences from guys that didn't handle their emotions properly and thus they are seeing things as very negative.
Gaming your woman should not be about playing life as if it is a video game, you can’t hit reset on a relationship or hit reset on your life. If you view it as this way then you are bound to repeat your loses. And I will say this again, not learning from your mistakes is the biggest mistake you can ever make.
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THIS WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED HERE: https://bosslessmindset.com/the-alpha-widow-and-over-coming-drama-in-relationships
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SOURCE:https://heartiste.org/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

Yes, you can be that Jedi lover in thoughts and actions. Let desire be fulminant and be a fiend with your emotions.
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A lothario is described as a man who behaves selfishly and irresponsibly in his sexual relationships with women. A lothario suggests an unscrupulous seducer of women, based upon a character in The Impertinent Curious Man, a story within a story in Miguel de Cervantes’ 1605 novel, Don Quixote.
Sometimes you have to be a selfish lover, this can then make you in turn very attractive to certain partners.
Not selfish as in being pleased and that is it. But pleasing your partner while selfishly showing your lover how you want to be pleased without exception.
Men, it is important to know how to please your partner and leave her satisfied or she WILL look elsewhere.
This is the age of cheating and convenience – if you are not doing what you are supposed to then someone else definitely will.
This is why it is also important to be open and honest and be a good sexual match with your partner.
Now there is a difference in feigning an irresponsible behaviour in relationships versus actually having such a behaviour.
The fact is, women like unpredictability when it comes to romance, but never with finances. A woman wants a man she can talk about to her friends, sister and even mother. She wants to tell them how nasty, wild and strong you are in bed. She wants to tell him how you turn her out and use her body for your own means and pleasure. She wants to tell her friends so they rive in jealousy at your epitome of sexual avarice.
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THE DORKY GUY: Yes, there are many dorky guys around that wear avengers branded t-shirts, have on jeans that are the wrong fit, and wear knitted sweaters from their mother. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be a sexual alpha.
You can have great sex and be attentive in the bedroom even though you might feel your sexual needs need to come first. Heck, some women like that you place your sexual needs first because they want to please you, and are pleased that you are pleased.
Furthermore, being dorky does not directly translate into being a beta. Being a beta is a mindset where you don’t stand up for yourself, you don’t have a strong will and you let people take advantage of you. Being a dork previously meant you were socially inept or awkward and extremely unfashionable. Some people might think this way still but the crazy thing is, society has shifted towards having a dorky look as something fashionable and ‘the in thing”. Check out the latest fashion trends or shows such as “The Big Bang Theory”.
Now, I have always said, to avoid becoming betacized and to maintain a relationship of trust and respect then you need to always be sure to sexual please your partner.
The idea of having intercourse with a woman in a way that doesn’t match your personality is a thing of the past. Being a dork and having hot passionate sex like an alpha can be easily reconciled. They are not opposites and can exist together. You can be very respectful yet still take charge in bed.
Be the Lothario that channels the alpha attitude in bed. Take steps to embody a dominance during sex that will yield incredible results. Now, not every girl wants to be the more submissive partner, but it seems like most of them do want a guy who can be a bit of an alpha in bed, no matter what he’s like outside the bedroom.
There are countless couples where the woman wants the man to be a bit more dominant when they have sex, while the guy may think he’s just too shy to pull it off. This should not be the case. Thus, it can take a bit of work to make a shift in mindset, but any man can become the sexy alpha their partner wants them to be.
WORK ON YOUR SEXUAL CONFIDENCE: Having sex like an alpha is all about having the right attitude and nothing is going to kill your alpha vibe like being too timid. You need the confidence to take small risks, get creative, step outside of your routine, and take the lead.
If you don’t already have the sexual confidence to do that, there are a few different things you can do to improve it.
First, study sex, read up on it and learn from different sources. Since you’re trying to satisfy a woman, make sure you read lots of articles and blog posts by men and women. They’ll have a lot of first-hand insights that will help you really tune in to your partner’s needs.
Then, you will need to find a style that you’re comfortable with and get a good idea of what sexual confidence is going to look like for you. For example, if you’re shy, you won’t be able to throw her on the bed and dirty talk her ear off – on the other hand, work on being quietly confident and focus on her, not the outcome. Don’t think whether or not you are impressing her but work on giving pleasure and listening to her feedback. It can be easy to get in your head and worry about how well you’re doing, but if you just pay attention to her the entire time, you’ll do fine.
SEDUCE HER: One of the reasons women find it so hot to have intercourse with someone who takes charge is because it makes them feel wanted. When someone takes that attitude, there’s no doubt about the fact that they desire you. You want to give her those feelings then you must start long before the clothes come off.
Become more seductive. You don’t have to do much — just a few little things throughout the day to show her that she’s on your mind.
Make some flirty comments and send a few suggestive texts. Do something thoughtful for her. Create sexual tension through touch – touch her waist, touch her thighs and touch her hips. Remember, as I have said here, on how to touch a woman, slow movements are always better than fast ones.
Chase her a little, but don’t overdo it. You want to make it clear that you desire her, but you are not desperate for sex. You want her to understand that by the time the clothes do come off – the reason she is horny is because you made her feel that way.
CREATE A DYNAMIC THROUGH ROLE PLAY: If you’re kind of timid, being a little more dominant during sex might not come naturally. But that’s okay. It doesn’t have to come naturally because it’s just a role you’re playing.
This is one of the things that trips up a lot of guys. They think it has to be an integral part of their personality. And then they feel silly taking charge in the bedroom because their lady knows they’re not like that outside of it.
None of this makes a difference because it’s less about who you are and more about the dynamic you’re creating in the moment. You can be the sweetest of guys, but when you take on an alpha persona during intercourse – she’s going to feel the heat. Remember, alpha’s give off an energy, it can even be sensed in the forms of a smell, heat, or even light.
If this is still a struggle then try taking on the role of an authority figure. This will make it easier for you to be more authoritative during sex. Just make sure you know what types of role play turn her on – for example, you are certain she will be wet at the thought of you being the jail guard coming into her cell to punish her for what she did on the yard earlier in the day.
PRO TIP: Try not to role play more realistic scenarios such as being her boss that she has to be naughty with to earn a raise or get perks at work. This hits too close to home and might send your partner’s mind down a rabbit hole, especially if she finds her boss attractive. The idea here is to set yourself up for relationship success and not failure. You don’t want your bedroom role-play becoming a real-life problem when she tries what you did with her to her boss.
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IN CONCLUSION: Sexual compatibility is of the utmost importance in a relationship.
But be ready to laugh if you and your partner are role playing and things don’t go perfectly. There can be a tonne of pressure on both sides and there will be slip-ups, and that is okay as long as you both can laugh about them.
Remember to not take yourself too seriously or you might have a ruined night of alpha sex role playing. Don’t worry about getting everything right. Don’t worry about embodying your dominant persona perfectly and be ready to laugh whenever possible if in an awkward situation.
Furthermore, if you think you can’t bring a more alpha attitude during sex, it might be because you’re not understanding what an alpha really is. The reality is, the guys who are the most vocal about being alpha males usually aren’t the ones who really embody what it means to be one. Being an alpha doesn’t mean being an asshole or having a toxic mentality. If this was the case then no-one would be impressed by alphas – real alphas are confident and not brash, they are leaders and not jerks. They are men that own up to their mistakes, handle responsibility and hold themselves accountable for their actions.
If you’re empathetic, attentive, fair and a good listener then these are all qualities that can help you take on an alpha attitude during sex.
Unless you’re sexually submissive, I believe every guy has the capacity to be an alpha in the sheets. All you need to do is tap into your desire for your partner and bring out the right traits in yourself.
Forget everything you think you know about being an alpha male and just project confidence while being attentive to her desires. That’s really what it all comes down to.
It might take you a while to get there, and that’s fine since alphas are not made in a day. It is a build up of experiences in life that culminates into a type of personality and behaviour.
If your partner wants you to be more dominant then take those steps now. Build your sexual confidence, seduce her throughout the day, and takes charge during sex.
Be the Lothario man that gives her what she wants by giving yourself what you want.