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Throughout its first 25 years, Major League Soccer has seen players from all different corners of the globe, each with their own career story. Whether it be a guy like Tim Melia or Chris Wondolowski who were scrappy guys that came out of nowhere to be stars in this league, or world famous names such as Zlatan, Beckham, and Henry, the league's history of big names is as diverse as they come.
Let's take a look at the best player from each country around the globe. This will be based on national team allegiance. Today, we'll be leading with Europe!
Please note that this is my opinion, and in some cases the decisions were tough; I'll be sure to add in honorable mentions where I can, or add notes.
Albania: Shkëlzen Gashi ( COL 2016-18)
Short list to pick from here, as Gashi's only competition is Jahmir Hyka and Hamdi Salihi. Gashi gets the nod, if nothing else, for his huge 2016 season, where he scored 10 regular season goals (one of which was that year's Goal of the Year) as the Rapids damn near won the Shield. The madlad then went and one-upped that with his absurd equalizer in the playoffs against the Galaxy.
His last two years weren't as fruitful, but man, when he was on he could pull something out of nowhere.
Armenia: Yura Movsisyan ( KC 2006-07, RSL 2007-09 & 2016-18, CHI 2018)
Four choices here, although in the end it's Movsisyan winning out over Harut Karapetyan, who played a couple seasons in the 90s for the Galaxy, San Jose, and Tampa Bay. The fourth pick in a strong 2006 MLS SuperDraft out of Pasadena City College, Movsisyan is mostly associated with RSL, who acquired him in a 2007 trade. With the Claret and Cobalt, he would tally 15 goals in 53 regular season appearances, and in 2009 he'd hoist the club's first MLS Cup. That'd be his last game with RSL until 2016 after some time in Europe with Randers, Krasnodar, and Spartak Moscow (even sharing the Russian PL Golden Boot in 2012/13 with Wanderson). He'd put up a similar clip of 16 in 57 before being waived and finishing his MLS career with four scoreless games with Chicago.
Austria: Daniel Royer ( NYRB 2016-pres.)
The choice here was largely Royer vs. Andreas Ivanschitz, who was a regular starter for Seattle's first MLS Cup, but I can't say no to a man with over 100 MLS matches played and three straight 10-goal seasons. In all comps, the former Austria Vienna man is just two goals behind Thierry Henry for third on the Red Bulls' all time goal scoring list.
Belarus: Sasha Gotsmanov ( COL 2005)
Gotsmanov qualifies by default as the only Belarusian player in MLS history. The Minsk native (and son of former Soviet and Belarusian international Sergei Gotsmanov) played one (1) single game for Colorado in October 2005, against RSL.
Belgium: Laurent Ciman ( MTL 2015-17, LAFC 2018, TFC 2019-pres.)
Shouts to Roland Lamah, who had his moments in Dallas, and Jelle van Damme, who played a season and a half for the Galaxy, but Ciman is the obvious choice. While he's fallen off a cliff as he's gotten older, he's a three-time All-Star and won Defender of the Year in his first MLS season; in his second, he played for Belgium at Euro 2016. At 35, he's lost a step and probably should only be used in emergencies, but at his best he was an elite MLS center back that could also be deployed at right back.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Haris Medunjanin ( PHI 2017-19, CIN 2020-pres.)
The first one where I'm not totally confident in my pick, as Baggio Hušidić made this tricky (and as a Union fan I'm afraid of bias). But at his best, Haris is an assist machine (30 in four MLS seasons so far), and a threat on set pieces; the madlad even scored an Olimpico this year. His left foot is probably the best the Union have ever had. While his commitment to defense was nonexistent, give him the ball and he could spray a pass anywhere.
Bulgaria: Hristo Stoichkov ( CHI 2000-02, DC 2003)
One of three former Ballon d'Or winners to play in MLS (the others being Lothar Matthaus and Kaka, although "playing" is generous for the former), Stoichkov spent the last four seasons of his career in MLS, scoring 22 goals in 72 regular season matches for Chicago and DC. In his first season, a 9 goal in 18 match outing for the Fire, he also won the US Open Cup, scoring the opening goal of the final, a 2-1 win over Miami. (The winning goal, by the way, was scored by our old friend Owen Goal.)
Croatia: Damir Kreilach ( RSL 2018-pres.)
Mr. Miyagi's favorite MLS player for his crane kick equalizer in the playoffs, the former Rijeka and Union Berlin man has proven to be an excellent utility piece and core part of RSL throughout his time there, scoring 26 goals and chipping in 14 assists in 86 regular season matches and playing all over the damn place (naturally a central midfielder, he's probably still RSL's best forward). At 31, he still has a lot to give.
MLS has seen a huge influx of Croats lately, though; before Kreilach's 2018 signing there had only been four Croatian players in MLS history, two of whom barely played. Currently, there are five on active rosters.
Czechia: Luboš Kubík ( CHI 1998-2001, DAL 2001)
Czech players have had a good hit rate in MLS. In his lone MLS season, Bořek Dočkal led the league in assists, and Zdeněk Ondrášek was a very solid piece for Dallas, albeit one whose MLS time was brief.
But no. We have to go with Kubik. The sweeper was Best XI twice, in 1998 and 1999, and won Defender of the Year in 1998 helping Chicago to a MLS Cup-Open Cup double. He'd win another Open Cup two years later, before being traded to Dallas in 2001 and retiring due to injury.
So many lethal counterattacks started on the foot of this man, and he is rightfully seen as one of the greatest defenders the league has ever seen.
Denmark: Jimmy Nielsen ( KC 2010-13)
I debated going WAYYYYYYY off the board here and throwing out Miklos Molnar. His time in MLS was brief, just the 2000 season before he retired, but the man was the best attacking piece on a Cup winner. He could have balled out if he didn't retire early.
But nah. We're going with Casino Jimmy, one of the keys towards Kansas City's early 2010s turnaround. A two time All-Star, Nielsen was Goalkeeper of the Year in 2012, a year that also saw him win the Open Cup with the Wiz (on penalties, because KC and penalties, name a more iconic duo at this point). In 2013, he capped off his career by winning MLS Cup, again on penalties, while playing with broken ribs.
England: Bradley Wright-Phillips ( 2013-2019, LAFC 2020)
This league, man.
The list of English players to have represented in MLS is a long one, full of iconic names. Ashley Cole. David Beckham. Frank Lampard. Steven Gerrard. Jermain Defoe. Wayne Rooney. Hell, even Bradley's brother Shaun.
But nope. Many of those guys are the butt of many MLS jokes. BWP, on the other hand, is one of the greatest goal scorers the league has ever seen, with two Golden Boots to his name and well over a century of league goals. He was a part of 3 Shield winning teams, and made CONCACAF's Best XI in 2018.
And it all started with a quiet trial in 2013 after Charlton dumped him. This. League.
And This. Man. Even as a fan of Philly who doesn't care much for the Red Bulls, I respect this dude and everything he's done. I hope he gets another year after winning Comeback Player of the Year this year.
Estonia: Joel Lindpere ( NYRB 2010-12, CHI 2013)
The only other option here was Erik Sorga, who could dethrone Lindpere as he came to MLS at a very young age. But it's unlikely, as Lindpere was quietly very solid for the Red Bulls during his time. The Tallinn native was a two-time All-Star, and in 2010 he was named the Red Bulls' team MVP.
Finland: Alex Ring ( NYC 2017-2020, AUS pres.)
T O P I C A L
There's a few fairly talented Finns in MLS right now that could make this interesting (I really like Robin Lod's game, and Lassi Lappelainen would be excellent for Montreal if he'd stop getting hurt). Ring however has proven his worth across 4 seasons, including time as NYC's captain. Over 10,000 MLS minutes, mostly for good teams, as a defensive anchor, he will be a fantastic tone-setter for the new Austin team.
France: Thierry Henry ( NYRB 2010-14)
Oh man, as an Ireland fan I wanted to give this to literally anyone else. I am still bitter, dammit.
His best competition is probably Aurelien Collin, who has a closetful of trophies (including a Best XI and MLS Cup MVP). But no...it's Henry.
When a big name comes to MLS, what people want to see is someone who treats the league with respect. Henry did that. Not only was he dominant on the pitch, a three-time Best XI nomination, he also respected the history of the club he played for and gave 100%, even though he was getting up there in the years. He's a Red Bulls and MLS legend...as much as I curse that godforsaken hand
Georgia: Valeri "Vako" Qazaishvili ( SJ 2017-20)
It looks like the San Jose chapter of Vako's career is done and dusted. While the former Vitesse man struggled for consistency, he did put up 26 goals and 13 assists across four MLS seasons for the Quakes, including 10 while being coached by Mikael Stahre, which should probably get him and Wondo some sort of award.
We'll see what's next for him, if he leaves MLS or goes back to Europe. His only competition was Quakes teammate Guram Kashia.
Germany: Bastian Schweinsteiger ( CHI 2017-19)
I'm...actually not sure about this one. I actually changed this while writing, as I very nearly chose Julian Gressel; the former Rookie of the Year has two 10-assist seasons under his belt, and Kai Wagner has also been one of the league's better fullbacks for Philadelphia; Schweinsteiger was solid enough for Chicago in his advanced age for some very frustrating teams (and even moved positions to center back!)...but man, I don't know.
Germany is weird. For a country with such a great footballing tradition, the pickings are fairly slim. Arne Friedrich had one good year for Chicago before injuries claimed his career. Lottar Matthaus was as committed to this league as Schalke are to winning football matches. Stefan Aigner was stifled by Anthony Hudson going galaxy brain. Torsten Frings...existed.
I dunno.
Greece: Alexandros Tabakis ( ATL 2017)
The only Greek in MLS history...and our second one game wonder. Atlanta's FOURTH string keeper in 2017, he managed to sneak into a game against Minnesota with Brad Guzan on international duty, Alec Kann injured, and Kyle Reynish sent off during the match.
Atlanta lost 3-2. He's now in USL.
Hungary: Nemanja Nikolić ( CHI 2017-19)
Dániel Sallói and Krisztián Németh had their moments, but the winner is Nikolić, who came to MLS from the Ekstraklasa and immediately won the Golden Boot. His totals diminished in the three seasons he spent with Chicago, but 51 goals in 96 appearances isn't too shabby at all - it's second in Fire history behind Ante Razov.
Iceland - Guðmundur Þórarinsson ( NYC 2020-pres.)
Not much choice, 3 guys, all of whom were mostly bench guys. I almost went with Kristinn Steindorsson here on the merits of "he didn't have a penalty saved by Rodrigo Schlegel."
Israel: Gadi Kinda ( SKC 2020-pres.)
It was either him or Dedi Ben Dayan, really. And I nearly went with the former Colorado left back, but nah, Kinda is very much the superior player. The midfielder born in Ethiopia, Kinda shone brightly in his first season in KC, with 6 goals and 4 assists in his debut season. He'll be a DP next season.
Italy: Sebastian Giovinco ( TOR 2015-18)
A signing that changed an entire club.
Before Giovinco, the Reds were a laughingstock. He came in, won a Golden Boot and MVP right away, led the league in assists, made Best XI three years in a row, led them to their first playoff game, their first MLS Cup final, their first MLS Cup win, and a historic treble. And they damn near won CCL too.
The Atomic Ant was must-see from Day 1. It's not just because of him that Toronto is now one of MLS's elite...but he was a huge part of changing that culture. 83 goals in 142 games in all comps. And he dished out his fair share of assists too, with a telepathic partnership with Jozy.
Latvia: Raivis Hščanovičs ( TOR 2010)
Not much to write about here. 14 games for a bad Reds team. Gets in by default with no other Latvian MLS players.
Liechtenstein: Nicholas Hasler ( TOR 2017-18, CHI 2018-19, SKC 2019)
Another one by default. 66 games as a utilityman. Won MLS Cup and the Shield, though.
Lithuania: Vytautas Andriuškevičius ( POR 2016-18, DC 2018)
Only other choice was Edgaras Jankauskas, a forward who played 14 games for the Revs. Vytas played 37 for Portland and zero for DC.
Luxembourg: Maxime Chanot ( NYC 2016-pres.)
Another one by default but this one's an actually really solid player that finished fourth in Defender of the Year voting in 2019. We take those.
Malta: Etienne Barbera ( VAN 2012)
2 games in 2012. Only Maltese player in MLS.
Montenegro: Branko Bošković ( DC 2010-12)
Pretty much every other Montenegrin player played less than 20 games in MLS. Bošković played 43 before returning to Europe for family reasons. 7 assists in his final season though, which is technically something.
Netherlands: Johan Kappelhof ( CHI 2016-pres.)
Much like Germany, bright footballing tradition, very shaky MLS history. Which is weird because the Eredivisie exports a lot of guys to MLS.
Also, I'm excluding Kelvin Leerdam, as he is probably changing his international allegiance to Suriname.
So I'm going with 2017 All-Star Kappelhof, who I think is still fairly solid.
But really the choices aren't great. Dave van den Burgh? Roland Alberg scored a hat trick once I guess? Danny Koevermans was decent but injured all the time?
Maybe it's a hot take. It probably is.
North Macedonia: Oka Nikolov ( PHI 2013)
Never actually played, only in a friendly. Watch this space though as North Macedonia is apparently courting LAFC's Danny Musovski.
Northern Ireland: Johnny Steele ( RSL 2012, NYRB 2013-14)
Another case of shaky opposition, it was either Steele or Steve Morrow, who played 41 games for Dallas in the aughts.
Steele played regularly for a Shield winner, the 2013 Red Bulls. Easy peasy.
Norway: ~~Vadim Demidov~~ Ola Kamara ( CLB 2016-17, LAG 2018, DC 2019-pres.)
Adama Diomande is the main competition here. Kamara's first stint in MLS was a smashing success, scoring 48 goals in 90 regular season matches for Columbus and the Galaxy (he was traded for Gyasi Zardes before 2018). A brief foray to China followed, and while he's back in MLS with DC he hasn't quite been the same.
Still a good player on his day, maybe just the Bennyball effect.
Poland: Piotr Nowak ( CHI 1998-2002)
When I think of early Chicago, Nowak and the earlier-mentioned Kubik are the first two names that come to mind. Kubik held down the back while Nowak was the chief creator in the midfield. Three-time best XI, three-time All-Star, and MLS Cup MVP.
...can I drink my water now?
Portugal: José Gonçalves ( NE 2013-16)
Gonçalves fell off a cliff in his latter years, but in his first MLS season he won Defender of the Year and in his second he was a key part of a team that made the MLS Cup final and damn near won the thing.
Runner up here is Nani who is probably closing in.
EDIT: I also forgot to mention Pedro Santos, thanks to the Crew fans who pointed that one out. I still think Gonçalves pips him for his 2013 if nothing else, but Santos is probably closer than Nani.
Republic of Ireland: Robbie Keane ( LAG 2011-16)
A LOT closer than you think; ~~Time Person of the Century~~ ~~Juventus legend~~ Ronnie O'Brien was two-time best XI himself.
But nonono. This is Robbie freaking Keane. When we see these big name Euro guys interested in MLS, this is the man we want them to be.
Hypercompetitive and holding guys accountable on and off the pitch, and scoring for fun. 83 goals in 125 MLS regular season appearances. Best XI four times. 2014 MVP. MLS Cup MVP in 2014. A closetful of team awards including 3 MLS Cups.
This man was a baller, and frankly his departure was the beginning of the Galaxy decline into irrelevance, but that's a story for another time.
Romania: Alexandru Mitriță ( NYC 2019-pres.?)
Question mark because he's on loan and I have no idea if it'll be permanent, ~~but he was punted out by the Pigeons just as he was really starting to break out~~. He scored 12 goals in his debut season last year but filled in nicely this year while Maxi Moralez was injured. EDIT: NYC fans have informed me he wasn't punted out, but was loaned out to be closer to his pregnant wife. My apologies.
Honorable mention: Alex Zotincă, who played for the Wizards and Chivas USA in the aughts. Brave man.
Russia: Igor Simutenkov ( KC 2002-04)
Not a lot to pick from here either. 49 games, 12 goals for this forward from Moscow, who now serves as an assistant coach at Zenit.
Scotland: John Spencer ( COL, 2001-04)
Give Johnny Russell another few years and he'll pass Spencer, but for now I'm leaning the latter. Spencer as a coach was frustrating as hell, but as a player he was Best XI twice and an MVP finalist once. Dude could score goals despite battling injuries in his time in MLS.
Just don't let him sign Kris Boyd. Then you lose to Cal FC. No one wants that.
Serbia: Aleksandar Katai ( 2018-19, 2020)
FROM A SPORTING PERSPECTIVE.
And mostly due to a weak pool. Runner up was probably someone like Miloš Kocić.
18 goals in 62 games for Chicago before getting yeeted back to Serbia for Bad People Reasons
Slovakia: Albert Rusnák ( RSL 2017-pres.)
He has tenure on Ján Greguš, who's the closest competitor, but Rusnák is also good. He followed up a 14-assist debut season (4th in the league) with back to back 10 goal seasons before struggling this year with injury.
Slovenia: Robert Berić ( CHI 2020-pres.)
Once he got acclimated to MLS, the goals came, and Chicago has its successor to Nikolić up top. He finished with 12 goals in his debut season, tied for second in the league with Ruidiaz and Zardes.
Also, from what I saw early on, seems like he's a dark-arts type of guy that gets in your head. That's fun.
Spain: David Villa ( NYC 2015-18)
I really didn't want to put him here due to recent allegations, and the fact that Pozuelo has already matched his MVP and two Best XI performances....
77 goals in 117 games though, that's tough to pass on.
Sweden: Zlatan Ibrahimović ( LAG 2018-19)
It's Zlatan.
He pretty much dragged a sorry LA organization to something resembling competitiveness.
What the hell did you expect?
(Anton Tinnerholm made this hard, though)
EDIT: Forgot Gustav Svensson as well in my honorable mentions.
Switzerland: Stefan Frei ( TOR 2009-13, SEA 2014-pres.)
Pretty self-explanatory, one of the most accomplished keepers in MLS history and with a closetful of hardware. And all it took Seattle to get him was a late first round pick that pinged around so much that it was eventually traded for a coach.
Turkey: Sercan Güvenışık ( SJ 2012)
5 games that year. No one else has flown the Turkish flag in MLS.
Ukraine: Dema Kovalenko ( CHI 1999-2002, DC 2002-05, NYRB 2006-08, RSL 2008, LAG 2008-10)
I'm afraid he'd break my legs if I didn't. One of the most physical and downright dirty players the league has ever seen. Made nearly 300 appearances though, and has one each of the 3 major US trophies (MLS Cup, USOC, Shield), all with a different team.
Wales: Andy Dorman ( NE 2004-07, 2013-15)
Dorman was a key part of that real good Revs team from the mid-aughts, and just beats out Carl Robinson. He made 112 appearances in his first stint, and played in 3 MLS Cup finals, though they famously lost all three. The Revs brought him back in 2013 after some time in Scotland and England, and was playing semipro in the area as recently as 2018.

The Outfit of Kansas City, Missouri

The ultimate cult movie listing

10 Violent Women
13 Ghosts
Abar, the First Black Superman
Absolute Beginners
Across 110th Street
After Hours
Alice Sweet Alice
Alien from L.A.
All Night Long
Alone in the Dark
The Alphabet
An American Hippie in Israel
The Amityville Horror
The Amputee
Anatomy of a Psycho
Another Son of Sam
The Apple
Assault on Precinct 13
Attack of the Crab Monsters
The Awful Dr. Orlof
The Baby
Barbarella
Bayou
The Beast with Five Fingers
Beat Street
Belladonna of Sadness
Below the Belt
Ben
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
The Beyond
Big Bad Mama
The Big Cube
The Big Doll House
Billy the Kid Versus Dracula
Black Caesar
Black Christmas
Black Gunn
Black Mama, White Mama
The Black Sleep
Blacula
Blast of Silence
Blood Feast
Blood Freak
The Blood on Satan's Claw
Bloody Birthday
Blue Sunshine
Blue Velvet
Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw
Bone
The Boogens
Border Radio
Born in Flames
The Born Losers
Breakin'
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
Brewster McCloud
Bride of the Monster
Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia
The Brood
A Bucket of Blood
Burnt Offerings
Bus Riley's Back in Town
Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker
C.C. and Company
Caged
Caged Heat
The Candy Snatchers
Carnival Magic
Carnival of Souls
The Cat o' Nine Tails
Chained for Life
Cherry 2000
The Chocolate War
Chopping Mall
Christmas Evil
The Church
Ciao! Manhattan
The City of the Dead
Class
Class of 1984
Cleopatra Jones
Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold
Coffy
College Confidential
Cookie
Count Yorga, Vampire
Countryman
Cover Me Babe
The Crazies
The Crazy World of Julius Vrooder
Crumb
Darktown Strutters
Dead of Night
Dead Sleep
The Dead Zone
Deadly Friend
Death by Invitation
Death Force
Death Race 2000
Death Watch
Deathsport
The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years
The Decline of Western Civilization Part III
The Decline of Western Civilization
Deep End
Dementia
Dementia 13
Demon Seed
Diagonal Symphony
Dirty Mary Crazy Larry
Disco Godfather
Dolemite
The Doll Squad
Dolls
Dreamscape
Drug Stories! Narcotic Nightmares and Hallucinogenic Hellrides
Dudes
DumbLand
Dusty and Sweets McGee
Earth Girls Are Easy
Eating Raoul
Electra Glide in Blue
Emma Mae
Equinox
Escort Girl
Evil Dead II
The Evil
Eyes of a Stranger
The Fast and the Furious
Fast-Walking
Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
Female Trouble
Final Exam
Five Minutes to Live
Five on the Black Hand Side
Fleshpot on 42nd Street
The Fog
The Foreigner
The Fox
Foxy Brown
Frankenstein 1970
Freaked
Freaks
Free Radicals: A History of Experimental Film
Fright
From Beyond
The Full Treatment
Funeral Parade of Roses
Galaxy of Terror
The Gamma People
Ganja & Hess
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
Gator
Ghosts Before Breakfast
Ghoulies
The Giant Spider Invasion
Girls on the Loose
God Told Me To
Grand Theft Auto
The Grandmother
Greaser's Palace
Grizzly
Guru, the Mad Monk
Gymkata
The Hand
Hard Ticket to Hawaii
Hardcore
The Harder They Come
Hatchet for the Honeymoon
He Knows You're Alone
Head
Heavenly Bodies
Hell Up In Harlem
Hell's Angels '69
Hercules
Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush
Hex
The Hidden
The Honeymoon Killers
Horror Express
House
The House by the Cemetery
The House of Seven Corpses
House of Women
The Hunger
Häxan
I Bury the Living
I Saw What You Did
I Was a Teenage Serial Killer
I'm Gonna Git You Sucka
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?
Incubus
The Iron Rose
It's a Small World
It's Alive
J.C.
Jennifer on My Mind
Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter
Jigoku
Kansas City Bomber
Killer Party
Kiss of the Tarantula
Kitten with a Whip
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains
Lady Snowblood
Lady Snowblood 2: Love Song of Vengeance
Lady Street Fighter
Land of Doom
The Last Man on Earth
The Lawnmower Man
The Legend of Hell House
The Legend of Lylah Clare
Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural
Let's Kill Uncle
Let's Scare Jessica to Death
Lifeforce
Little Darlings
Little Stabs at Happiness
Mac and Me
Machine Gun McCain
The Mack
Macon County Line
Made in U.S.A.
Madhouse
Making Mr. Right
Maniac
The Manitou
Mark of the Vampire
Mary Jane's Not a Virgin Anymore
Massacre Mafia Style
Meshes of the Afternoon
Miami Connection
Mixed Blood
Monster a-Go Go
Motel Hell
Mudhoney
Multiple Maniacs
Multiple SIDosis
The Mummy's Shroud
The Mummy
The Muthers
Myra Breckinridge
Mystery Train
Near Dark
Never Too Young to Die
The New Centurions
Night of the Creeps
Night of the Demon
Night of the Eagle
Night of the Lepus
Night of the Living Dead
Night School
Night Train to Terror
The Night Visitor
The Ninth Configuration
Notes on the Circus
Nothing Lasts Forever
Orca
Orchard Street
Outlaw Blues
The Panic in Needle Park
Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid
Performance
Phase IV
Piranha
Plan 9 from Outer Space
Poltergeist
Polyester
Poor Pretty Eddie
Portrait of Jason
Possession
Premonitions Following an Evil Deed
Pretty Poison
The Private Files of J. Edgar Hoover
Private Parts
Private Property
Psych-Out
Psychomania
The Psychopath
Punk Vacation
Putney Swope
The Pyramid
The Queen
Rabid
Race with the Devil
Rad
Rappin'
Rat Pfink a Boo Boo
Razorback
Rebel Rousers
Red Sonja
Repo Man
Return to Macon County
Rich Kids
Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky
The Road to Ruin
Roadgames
Roar
The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
Roller Boogie
The Sadist
Santa Claus
Satanis: The Devil's Mass
Scary Movie
Scenes from the Class Struggle in Beverly Hills
Scream Blacula Scream
Screaming Mimi
Secret Ceremony
Shack Out on 101
Shanks
She Freak
Shock
Shoot First, Die Later
The Shooting
The Silent Partner
Sister Street Fighter
Sisters
Six Men Getting Sick
Skidoo
The Slumber Party Massacre
Smithereens
Snapshot
Some Call It Loving
Sometimes Aunt Martha Does Dreadful Things
Sonny Boy
Spider Baby
Spine Tingler! The William Castle Story
The Stepfather
Strait-Jacket
Strange Behavior
Stunt Rock
Stunts
Suburbia
Sugar Hill
The Super Cops
Super Fly
Superstition
Suspiria
The Swinger
Symbiopsychotaxiplasm: Take One
Symmetricks
The Take
Tell Your Children
The Tempest
Terminal Island
The Terminal Man
The Terror of Tiny Town
The Terror
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
Thank God It's Friday
They Live
The Thing That Couldn't Die
Three in the Attic
Times Square
The Tingler
Tower of Evil
The Town That Dreaded Sundown
Trick Baby
The Trip
Twice Upon a Time
The Twilight People
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me
Two Thousand Maniacs!
Two-Lane Blacktop
The Twonky
The Undertaker and His Pals
The Unholy Rollers
The Unholy Three
Up in the Cellar
Vanishing Point
Venus in Furs
Vibes
Videodrome
Vigilante
The Visitor
Warriors of the Year 2072
West of Zanzibar
When a Stranger Calls
White Lightning
Who's That Girl
The Who: The Kids Are Alright
Whoever Slew Auntie Roo?
Wicked, Wicked
The Wicker Man
Wild at Heart
Wild Guitar
Wild Seed
Willard
Willie Dynamite
Witchboard
Witchfinder General
Women's Prison
The World's Greatest Sinner
Xanadu
Zaat
Zabriskie Point
Zardoz
The Zodiac Killer

HEROES of a DEAD WORLD: MISSION ONE- HOPE, EVEN A FALSE HOPE, IS STILL HOPE Parts Five and Six

HEROES of DEAD WORLD
PART FIVE:
Cheyenne Mountain Space Force Complex, Colorado, 1100 hours…
This was turning out to be the longest five minutes of Green Dragon’s life. Though Green Dragon was near invulnerable to most damage, especially fire and heat based attacks, and despite the fact that he was a more skilled in hand to hand combat that his opponent, Firefox’s plasma attacks were powerful enough to hurt even him. Green Dragon’s own fire based attacks weren’t harming Firefox, who made absolutely no effort to avoid them. In fact, Green Dragon suspected that his fire attacks was only making Firefox more powerful. In contrast, Green Dragon knew that he couldn’t dodge Firefox’s plasma attacks indefinitely and soon, one of his blasts was going to connect. Below him, the landscape was pot marked for miles around with eight foot deep smoldering craters where Firefox missed with his powerful plasma blasts, each impact probably causing more damage to the Cheyenne Mountain facility. Green Dragon knew that this had to end quickly and he hoped that the cameras at Cheyenne Mountain were still monitoring the battle.
Green Dragon’s only chance was to maneuver close enough to Firefox and force a physical fight. If he could get within arms distance, he was sure that he could knock the arrogant son of a bitch out. He barrel rolled to the left, narrowly avoiding getting incinerated by another one of Firefox’s blasts, then yelled, charging straight towards the plasma powered hero, the two foot long razor claws mounted on his left forearm gauntlets glowing white hot and ready to strike. Green Dragon only had time to raise it defensively across his face as one of Firefox’s plasma blasts finally connected.
The plasma blast hit Green Dragon like an artillery explosion and he tumbled uncontrolled out of the sky training fire and smoke behind him as he fell. Skidding across the ground nearly 500 feet below him, Green Dragon left a trail that scarred the earth for nearly a quarter mile before finally coming to a smoking halt in the middle of a field in the valley below. Firefox landed a few feet from where Green Dragon lay motionless, his fists glowing white and ready to fire the killing blow.
“Barbecued dragon time,” he hissed.
“Oh no you don’t, you mother jerk-face!” Firefox looked up just in time to see Sky Fyre flying low over the ground towards him, her eyes and fists ablaze with fury and fire.
“Sky Fyre,” said Firefox, holding out his hands out in front of him. “No, honey! Wait! I’m…”
A look of surprise filled Firefox’s face as Sky Fyre’s plasma fire ball struck the overpowered hero dead center of his chest. The blast explosion hurled Firefox high into the sky, trailing a fiery tail of pure plasma energy twisting behind him. He smashed into the mountainside nearly a mile away, lying motionless in the middle of a smoking crater nearly ten feet deep and fifty feet wide. Sky Fyre stood there, eyes and mouth wide with surprise. “Did I… did I… did I just…” she muttered.
“Yeah,” grunted Green Dragon, picking himself up off the ground, straightening up his helmet and massaging his bruised shoulders. Brushing large clumps of dirt and rocks off of his shoulders and neck, Green Dragon said, “You just defeated a Level 8 hero with Level 10 thermal, fire, and plasma projection powers.”
Sky Fyre leapt. “Whoo-hoo! I kicked his ass, huh, GD?”
“Language, Sky,” reprimanded Green Dragon, squinting in the distance at the thin plume of rising smoke to see if Firefox had recovered yet, and smiling to himself knowing that he and Sky Fyre would be long gone before Firefox regained consciousness.
“Sorry, GD,” said Sky Fyre. “But, wait. How did my fire ball blast knock him out? Firefox feeds off of solar and heat sources, causing fire or heat based attacks against him to actually make him stronger. My fire ball wasn’t any stronger than one of yours, GD. So how did I hurt him so bad?”
“We have to get to the detention facility in Kansas,” said Green Dragon, abruptly changing the subject. “With our stealth jet destroyed, we will have to fly ourselves directly to Ransom then figure out a way to get Doctor Genocide’s assistant out of the facility. Do you think you have the energy for it, Sky?”
“Yeah, man!” the teen heroine said, clapping. “I just kicked Firefox’s butt!”
As the pair took to the sky, the young heroine looked over to her mentor and said, “Hey, GD, did you hear that old creeper call me ‘Honey?’ What a weirdo!”
“I heard,” replied Green Dragon.
“I wonder what he was trying to say before I blasted him?” said Sky Fyre. “And what were you two talking about before the fight? I could see it on the monitors, but there wasn’t any audio.”
“It wasn’t anything important,” lied Green Dragon. “Right now, we have to keep focused on the mission at hand.”
“You got it, GD,” smiled Sky Fyre. “Ha! I just kicked Firefox’s butt and… oh… wait! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!” Sky Fyre smacked her forehead.
“What’s wrong, Sky?” Green Dragon had a worried tone in his voice. Sky Fyre was extremely intelligent and observant for a girl her age. Had she figured out the truth? Did she realize why he and Firefox had been locked in such a deadly battle? Was she aware of her mentor Green Dragon’s betrayal?
“Aww, nothing, GD,” said Sky Fyre. “I just forgot the damn bag of sandwiches back at Cheyenne Mountain!”
“Language, Sky,” said Green Dragon, relief in his voice and happy that he had deflected the subject again.
Sky Fyre looked over at her long time mentor, and squinted her eyes. “So, you’re lying to me, too,” she thought. “Okay. We’ll see about that.”
PART SIX:
Hannover, Germany, 1800 hours local time/ 1200 hours US EST…
Azure Blade dropped Tasmanian Devil on the top of a four story red brick building near a street corner in Hannover’s famous Stone Door district, one of many blocks in the city where young people and tourists had been welcomed to party, dance, mingle, and satisfy other vices back when the world still lived. The top of the red brick building on which the three heroes now stood was one of several brothels which lined the two blocks which made up the Stone Door district. Across from the building was a line of casinos, dance clubs, and gentlemen’s lounges. The white stone building connected to the brothel and facing the wide cobblestone courtyard where local bands used to play in an open air venue was the famous Sansibar Club. The sun was setting, the fading fire red and violet skies casting long shadows across the downtown city plaza. The dead shambled below, as if taking a late day stroll or doing last minute shopping in the plaza’s department stores. There were many, but not as closely packed as they were in Amsterdam.
Azure Blade looked over the city, a dubious expression on her face. “Okay, Devil. We’re here. Now what?”
Taz lifted the bottom of his mask, exposing his mouth. Producing a fine Cuban cigar from one of his pouches, he lit it and took a deep, satisfying drag. “Now?” he said. “Now, you two broads get lost.” Taz blew a cloud of smoke into the air.
“What?” said Wyvern, her eyes blazing with fire. “What are you talking about?”
“I said,” continued Taz. “You two get lost! You need to get to Berlin. Link up with the German heroes Haupmann Schnell and Schutzen Meister at the research laboratories. Go find out what you can!”
“And what about you, Devil?” said Azure Blade, threateningly. “Were you really serious about getting drunk tonight? And why here? Why in Hannover? Why at this particular place?”
Tasmanian Devil chuckled. “Yes, that was the plan and yes, I have my reasons for being here.” He took another drag of his cigar and blew the smoke towards the beautiful female heroine, Azure Blade.
“What’s the matter, blue eyes,” he smirked. “After all these years we’ve worked together. Don’t you trust me?”
“Yes?” whispered Wyvern.
“No!” yelled Azure Blade.
“No!” repeated Wyvern.
Taz rolled his eyes, chuckling again but without any humor. “Let’s just say we’re killing two birds with one stone. You two get to Berlin. I’ve got something to find out here.”
“Why the secrecy, Devil?” persisted Azure Blade. “What is so important that you have to do it alone?”
“Because I do!” growled Tasmanian Devil, swiftly unsheathing both of his sword-scythes from the two scabbards on his back and taking a fighting stance facing Azure Blade. For her part, Azure Blade instantly drew her two glowing blue swords in her hands as she squared off against Tasmanian Devil.
“You may be a Level 7 hero with Level 9 fighting ability, blue eyes,” snarled Tasmanian Devil. “But you’ve never bested me when we sparred in practice.”
“I was holding back on you, Devil,” responded the powerful female sword master. “Two of our comrades have already died on this mission and one remains under siege in London. Why are you so eager to abandon the mission and get rid of us? Is it so that you can run?”
“Nobody calls me a coward!” yelled Taz, charging towards Azure Blade with his right arm cocked back, ready to deal a killing blow with his sword-scythe. Azure Blade also yelled angrily, her twin blades wind milling in front of her as she charged towards the berserker hero. One fireball slammed into Azure Blade while another struck Tasmanian Devil, flinging both of them backwards and slamming each of them painfully on opposite sides of the rooftop ledge so hard that large chunks of concrete fell to the street below.
Wyvern hovered over them, her eyes and hands blazing with fire. “Go ahead, you two stupid fuckers! Give me another excuse!” She raised both fists, pointing them at her teammates.
Taz rubbed his head as he slowly and painfully got to his feet, his battle suit smoking from where the fireball hit him. “You roasted my cigar,” he groaned, tossing his ruined cigar aside.
“You’re lucky that’s the only thing I roasted,” sneered Wyvern.
“You said, ‘If you are still alive in the morning,” said Azure Blade. She was already standing tall, pointing one of her swords at Taz, although she was wincing in pain from the fire ball blow she took from Wyvern. “What did you mean by that?”
“I mean just what I said,” said Taz. “Meet me here in the morning. If I’m dead, you’ll know that I failed. If not, then I’ll have help. But only I can do it. I’m the only one they trust. If they see you two, they may bail, and any chance we have of saving the world may vanish.”
“Who?” yelled Azure Blade. “Who are you meeting?”
“You won’t like it if I told you, so you’ll have to trust me.” answered Taz, feeling around in one of his modular pouches attached to his battle suit belt.
Wyvern gently put her hand on Azure Blade’s shoulder. “Blade. We’re running out of time. If he wants to stay. If he wants to run. We can’t stop him. But if we come back in the morning, and he is neither dead or has brought help; if we find him laid out drunk and hung-over, I’ll fry him myself.”
Azure Blade looked at Wyvern, a heroine as innocent, bashful, and timid as she was beautiful and powerful. Wyvern was more a follower than a leader. Before she was gifted with super powers and became the heroine known as Wyvern, Krysta was a young Catholic nun from Ireland. But now? Something had changed. The young and inexperienced hero Wyvern, though supremely powerful, was also relatively untrained, unworldly, and extremely timid. Before she had gained her superhuman powers from the comet, Krysta was an attractive, red haired, twenty-one year old nun from Waterford, Ireland. An orphan secluded from the secular world, living much of her life in a convent, she had moved to New York two years ago to serve with the Catholic diocese there. Her superpowers manifested soon afterwards and for the past year, the heroine now known as Wyvern was recruited to serve with the US government super hero Operation Team Bravo. Azure Blade simply exhaled and nodded, giving Taz a distrustful glare before she and Wyvern took to the sky, flying east towards Berlin.
Later, Tasmanian Devil sat on the ledge of the rooftop of the brothel, dangling his feet and watching as an increasing mass of dead roamed below him, attracted as they were by the yelling and blasts of fire coming from the roof. They would have eventually made it to the roof where Taz was sitting, but Wyvern blasted the stairwell leading up to the roof before she and Azure Blade flew to Berlin.
Taz watched as the streets darkened below him, the moaning from the dead getting steadily louder. Soon, the light would fade and the dead would lose interest and shamble onwards. Taz tossed away the small empty bottle of Mint-Peppermint schnapps that the Dutch commander had given to him back in Amsterdam and pulled out the second bottle from a modular pouch on his belt.
“Thank God for plastic liquor bottles,” he thought, unscrewing the cap. Reaching into another pouch, he took out a small headphone transmitter, one set to a hidden frequency that none of his comrades or the US government could trace. “I’m here,” he said.
“Yeah, we know,” said the surprisingly clear voice at the other end. “Jeez, Master Sergeant! Could you have made any more noise? Fucking Metallica makes less noise than you!”
“I had to convince the rest of the team to leave,” replied Taz.
“Well, okay,” said the voice on the other end. “Come on down, then.”
“What?” said Taz. “You really wanted to meet inside the Sansibar?”
“Yes, I really wanted to meet inside the Sansibar!” said the other voice. “After every combat tour, we always met in Hannover, at the Sansibar, to blow off steam and get a little down time before returning home to the States. Come on down, Master Sergeant!”
Taz exhaled, steeling himself for what was obviously a trap. Four stories up with no way to get down off the roof, Taz jumped off the side, landing on the three story roof of the casino across the narrow cobblestone street . Pivoting, he leapt again dropping to the second story balcony of the brothel he was just on before somersaulting forwards, sword-scythes in hands and landing in the middle of a pack of the dead beside the Sansibar entrance. Taz immediately took a fighting stance, expecting to have to fight his way into the large night club. Instead, however, the dead parted ways, forming a makeshift clear corridor which led to the entrance of the Sansibar. Alarmingly, the club was now brightly lit. Two large muscular dead men, probably bouncers for the Sansibar while they still lived, emerged from inside the club and opened the doors. Knowing that this indeed was a trap, Tasmanian Devil none the less ran through the corridor created by the dead, both sword-scythes held across forearm to elbow in case the dead attacked as he burst into the club. With a start, Tasmanian Devil realized as he passed through the doors of the Sansibar that the two muscular bouncers were still alive!
The two bouncers closed the glass doors behind them as Taz spun around, ready to strike with his wicked blades should the two men attack him. Both men were extremely muscular, each wearing some type of makeshift, armored football pad uniforms with wicked spikes mounted on the shoulders, leather gauntlets and gloves infused with more armor plates, and black and red leather pants lined with yet more armored padding. The only difference between the two bearded brutes was that one had a Mohawk whilst the other had a reverse Mohawk.
“Hey,” said Taz. “I know you dudes! You two were super powered executive body guards before the world went to shit. The Intimidators, right? ”
The brute with the Mohawk, the one Taz knew as the German mercenary called Barbarian, extended a hand towards the bar and speaking in German, said, “Sit, please,” in a gruff but not unfriendly tone.
Taz looked over to Barbarian’s partner, the equally huge mercenary with the reverse Mohawk named Highlander. He simply puffed out his chest, crossing his massive arms. Highlander, predictably from the Scottish Isles, nodded towards the bar, saying nothing. Taz turned, facing the long, well lit bar still stocked from counter to ceiling with bottles of liquor and taps of beer. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw the lady standing behind the bar.
“Alda? You’re still alive?” said Taz in German.
Alda, the short platinum blonde bartender in her late thirties stared questioningly at the hero. “You…ummm…. you look different from when I last saw you. They say it’s you under that mask. But…”
Tasmanian Devil removed his mask, revealing a grim faced, middle aged man with short cropped white hair, thick furrowed brows, haunted grey eyes and a mouth in a permanent scowl framed by short, white stubble. “This better? How’ve you been, Alda?” Tasmanian Devil, smiled revealing incisor teeth that were twice as long as the average human’s.
“Yep. That’s you alright!” Alda laughed. “Although I think I like you better with that silly mask on your face!” She reached up and grabbed a tall glass from the rack over the bar. “Go ahead and sit down. It’s been a while. Can I get you your usual?”
There was always something about Alda’s voice, so gravelly, yet so seductively German, that appealed to Taz. “Where is he, Alda?”
Alda slid the long island iced tea in front of Taz, nodding her head and motioning to the side of the bar where an opening led to stone steps going down to the restrooms and storage spaces under the club. “He wanted to make sure you were alone, which is why he had Floppsy and Moppsy over there to greet you!”
“Hey!” yelled Highlander. Taz looked past the two mercenaries, outside past the glass doors where the dead seemed to have formed a protective barrier around the club, facing outwards.
“Master Sergeant Gunther!” A tall figure wearing a white mask and white cowl emerged from the stairway. He wore a red battle suit with white straps, gloves and combat boots. Two submachine guns where strapped to each thigh, two pistols on each waist, and a Carl Gustov rocket launcher was slung across his back. Over his right eye on his white mask was a gun-targeting, lead angle site that homed in on Taz.
Closely behind him came another man wearing a black, skull shaped helmet, black leather jacket and pants, over a white shirt with a black skull and crossbones design on it. In the man’s hands was a black steel mace. Next to him came another young man with wavy dark blonde hair, sunglasses, a black leather jacket and black leather pants. He wore a red leather shirt with a stylized ‘A’ in the middle of a black star design. Tasmanian Devil recognized the first two guys, but the last one looked like a young David Hasselhoff if he had decided to take up being a rock star instead of an actor. Taz figured he had to be German. Immediately, Taz leapt off the bar stool, holding his sword-scythes in a defensive fighting position as he faced the threats. Alda yelped and ducked under the bar as everyone else took fighting stances, surrounding the outnumbered hero.
The one with the white mask and cowl held up his hands towards Taz. “Whoa, there, Gunther! We’re all friends here! Is that how you greet your former commander? Hell, back in the day, you used to salute me!”
“That was before you became a damned assassin and domestic terrorist!” growled Taz. “Back then, you were Lieutenant Colonel Mayfield , MARSOC, and I was your senior ranking NCO, Master Sergeant Gunther. Those days are long gone. Now, you’re the murderer known as Arsenal, the leader of the criminal group known as the Jail Breakers who specialize in breaking super criminals out of prison. I’m the hero known as Tasmanian Devil, and the guy standing next to you with the black skull mask is the toady known as Dick Face! The only one who I don’t recognize is that Hitler youth wannabe’ who is skulking around behind you!”
“Black Skull,” yelled the man wearing the black skull helmet, hefting his mace threateningly at Taz. “You better call me by my correct name!”
“I’m Captain Awesome,” said the other man, pushing past the villain Black Skull and speaking English but in a thick German accent.
“Hero?” laughed the villain named Arsenal. “Really, Gunther? You call yourself a hero?” Arsenal continued laughing as he took a seat at the bar, motioning his two henchmen Black Skull and Captain Awesome to sit down with him. Barbarian and Highlander remained at the doors, obviously being paid by whatever currency that was valuable to them to keep watch and safeguard this meeting between hero and villains.
“Alda, would you kindly pour us a tumbler of your best bourbon, bitte?” Arsenal reached up, pulling back on his white cowl and removed his mask. Short cropped jet black hair topped a handsome black face, a thin, well trimmed moustache over his lips. The man now known as Arsenal had the dashing good looks of a black, Hollywood, action hero, save for the deep scar that cut from his upper right forehead and down across his lower right chin, a present given to him from Tasmanian Devil during their first battle when neither knew each other’s identity. In truth, if Tasmanian Devil had known that Arsenal was actually his former commanding officer, he may have plunged both his sword-scythes into his heart, instead.
“Come on, now Gunther,” said Arsenal. “I’ve wondered that for a long, long time. After everything we’ve done, after everything I know about you, how can you call yourself a hero?”
“Why am I here, Mayfield?” said Tasmanian Devil. “Why are those dead outside not attacking us?”
“I mean, admit it Master Sergeant,” continued Arsenal, ignoring Tasmanian Devil’s questions. “You’ve forgotten more people you’ve killed than I’ll ever remember people I’ve killed. So what? That comet gives you enhanced powers. The government gave you a fancy battle suit, a stupid code name, and an obscenely huge weekly paycheck and you now think you’re a hero?”
Arsenal downed his bourbon in one gulp, setting it down on the bar as Alda filled it again. “C’mon, Master Sergeant. Aside from tying to make an honest buck, what makes you any different than me?”
“Dammit, Mayfield,” Taz slammed his fist on the bar and making all of the glasses jump. “I didn’t come here to drink and catch up on old times with you as if nothing ever happened! Those were civilians that you had killed in Afghanistan! I don’t know what brought you here to Germany and frankly, I don’t care! I have a world to save! That’s what makes me different from you!”
Arsenal glanced over at Taz, who was sitting next to him at the bar and rested his chin on his hand. “Really, Gunther?” said Arsenal calmly, almost condescendingly. “You have a world to save? And how do you expect to do that, hmm?” He took a sip from his bourbon, savoring the smooth taste as it flowed down his throat. “Would it surprise you to know that that’s why we are here? It’s our world as well, you know.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Mayfield?” said Taz.
“You’ve already seen it, Master Sergeant,” said Arsenal. “Look outside. Go ahead. There are one hundred of the dead standing guard in front of the Sansibar, keeping the other dead from trying to enter. And they’ll be there for at least another three hours under his control before the nano’s expire.”
“His control?” said Tasmanian Devil, eying his former commanding officer suspiciously as he sipped his long island ice tea. “Who is in control?”
“Him,” said Arsenal, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb back where the stairs were. “He was our last mission. He was the last person the Jail Breakers broke out of SEAD custody, and believe me, you’ll thank me for it.”
“I’m pleased that you would come all this way just to see me,” said a figure climbing up the stairs. “It’s Mister Tasmanian Devil, isn’t it?”
“You!” growled Tasmanian Devil, grabbing up his sword-scythes and leaping towards the frail looking figure standing at the top of the stairs with the wild, unkempt, hair wearing a dirty white lab coat. When Tasmanian Devil’s former commanding officer, now turned super criminal, contacted him and asked him to meet him here in Hannover to have a meeting with someone who had the ability to save the world, the hero never imagined it would be this monster. It was him! Public enemy number one before the world died. It was this old man whose mechanical abominations had been responsible for murdering untold thousands of innocent people in his quest to wipe out mankind.
“I’ll kill you, you monster!” raged Tasmanian Devil. “I’ll kill you, Doctor Genocide!”
Continued in Mission Two- The Only Heroes Are The Dead Ones...

My long story of my trip from Minneapolis to Kansas City (pics, included)

So I took a trip to Kansas City from Minneapolis on a business matter. Just the week before I'd driven in my 97 Honda Civic from Minneapolis to Chicago (no pics). I found the Chicago trip to be fun and interest. The drive was filled with a lot of interesting views, people, and things to do. By contrast, the drive to Kansas City pretty much grated on my nerves.
The drive down thru southern Minnesota wasn't so bad. But once I got into Iowa, I started to get sleepy. The landscape is so boring. So I stopped at this gas station, got a hot dog, chips, and a drink, and relaxed for the evening. The gas station parking lot was full of trucks. Dozens of them. But I found a quiet spot in the back and began to fall asleep around midnight. Unfortunately, some dipshits decided to park right next to me and start some bullshit argument. Screaming, "You motherfucker, you left my cell phone, my clothes, and all my shit back at the park cuz you got scared of the cops! Go back to the park and get my shit!"
I understand I don't own the parking lot. But why do idiots have to park next to me. This is the reason why I completely black out my windows and have earbuds. Because it's easy to tune out others that way. But I had neither that evening so I had to endure those idiots for 30 minutes til they finally left.
I woke up after 7:30am the next day and started driving. And driving. And driving. I stopped off at Des Moines and ate at a local McDs. Des Moines was virtually a ghost town. I could count the number of people I saw on the street on my fingers. But it was raining...so....
In any case, I got back on the road and did more driving and the drive just grated on my nerves. Iowa is the size of England yet the population is only 1 million. And the landscape is nothing but boring praire. Take a look at this pic. This is just a small road. But on the right is what you see on either side of you while driving down the Iowa highway. Nothing but flat prairie dotted by the occasional farmhouse. It's mind numbingly boring beyond belief. Especially when you're in a hurry. When you're in a hurry, not so boring.
And Iowa is low on exits of any kind. You can go 5+ miles without seeing any exit. Not an exit for a town, a rest stop, or anything. So if you have to go to the bathroom real bad, you could be holding it in for around 10 miles. And the drive is even more dreary in the rain.
But I did find an exit for the Lakeside Casino. I had to stop or I'd have fallen asleep. Their video arcade was smaller than my old bedroom. And the restaurant was dead. I played a few slots but wasn't feeling it. The place was pretty dead. The place was pretty much like any other Native American casino: mostly filled with chain smoking old folks gambling away their retirement money. Plus, this being rural America, I got a few, "Are you serious?" looks from the locals because I was wearing a mask. Although all employees were wearing masks, less than half the patrons were wearing masks and the employees weren't enforcing masks.
After a few dollar lost, I went to sleep in the parking lot. I wish I had money for an RV space on the other side of the lot. The casino also has an RV park for people who wanna gamble regularly. Looks like that's how they spend their retirement: living on the lot while gambling. Nice way to retire.
After a long drive, I made it into Missouri and finally Kansas City. But it was night by then and I stopped at the local Walmart for relaxation and some zees. Unfortunately, a couple of idiots, one in a white truck and the other in black, had to park right across from me, so they could have a contest to see whose car could rev up the loudest. I was severely tempted to go into the Walmart and buy a weapon but they went inside. I parked as far from them as I could and got some sleep.
I woke up around midnight to the sound of the Walmart parking lot sweeper making a huge racket. At the far end, he wasn't annoying. But he kept on driving past my car and it was too loud. After a while, he seemed to go away. I needed to pee so I whipped out my pee bottle. I covered it up under my blanket. Right when I was dabbing the last remains, the sweeper comes right next to the car and looks dead at me. Even though I couldn't see his expression, I am 100% positive he thought I was beating my meat. Because he never came by my car again. I resolved right then and there to get black cardboard to cover my windows.
The next day, I finished my business in Kansas City, used the library to charge my devices, and ht the road for Minneapolis. And I kept driving and driving and driving until I thought, "I must be close to Des Moines by now." But then I saw a sign that said, "Welcome to Iowa!" and I screamed at the top of my lungs. It was gonna be a long drive.
But I drove faster this time. Kept my foot on the accelerator and stopped only a few times. There are three rest stops in Iowa and the all have stall doors that are only five feet high. So if you were taking a piss, you could turn your head and see a guy dropping a deuce. Nice interior design.
I kept driving until I finally needed gas. The gas station had a dystopian feel. The shelves were half empty, the cashier looked like Willie Nelson, and the owners could probably count the number of customers they got per year on their hands. The local Dairy Queen had seen better days. So had the abandoned trailer behind it. The Super 8 appeared to be the liveliest spot in town.
After I got on the highway, I drove the remaining 1 and a half to 2 hours at 70 miles without stopping. When I made it back to Minneapolis, I parked at my regular pizza shop. That's when I noticed white smoke was coming from my car. I looked at the temperature gauge to see the needle was way up there in the red. Crap.
I got some pasta. Then parked at a nearby Taco Bell, near the Valvoline Oil where I was gonna get an oil change. The Taco Bell kept on having dipshits who would blast their loud crap music even while waiting in line at the drive thru. But I was far away enough to fall asleep.
When I got to Valvoline, they told me I had an oil leak and it would take more money to fix than what I'd paid for it. Shit. Time to get a new car. The end.

CreateYoureReality NFL Week 13 Analysis and Picks (Speed run)

Week 12 Recap: Meh, not our worst showing this year, haha. How can I be so spot on with game predictions, but still be struggling in my singles plays this season. Very curious. Putting a pin in it to think about, however... Let's move on!
Singles (8-17 -12.87u)
Parlays (0-4 0u) All Free Bets
Teasers (0-1 -4u)
BBDLS (0-6 -2.2u)

Sunday Games
Detroit at Chicago: Lions just fired coach and GM. Chicago has Mitch back. It seems the Lions can't win games without Galloday and Swift. It already appears Galloday is out. Swift is questionable and even if he plays should carry a limited snap count. Chicago essentially starting their playoffs with this game. Does it continue?

Cincinnati at Miami: Bengals starting Brandon Allen again. He didn't look horrible last week, however without a 105yrd kickoff return for CIN, that games 4th quarter wouldn't have been nearly as close as it was. Miami brought back the FitzMagic last week and he delivered an ABC performance against the struggling Jets, keeping Miami in the playoff contention with an outside shot at still winning the AFC East. While my algo has them with an almost 90% chance of winning, it only has them covering the spread around 42%.

Indianapolis at Houston: Colts had a hard fall last week, giving up the divisional lead to the Titans. Houston is playing much better now but suffered the loss of two players to suspension this week. My algo has this one closer to a 24-25 IND and thinks Indy only covers 34% of the time. Might even put a little sprinkle on the Texans.

Jacksonville at Minnesota: Jacksonville played tough last week and is sticking with Glennon. Minnesota has an opportunity to be .500 for the first time this year and an outside shot at the playoffs. Cook and Theilen are back and I expect Min to get the win here. However, Algo only likes a MIN cover 39% of the time.

Las Vegas at New York Jets: One would expect the Raiders to take care of business against the winless Jets, however last weeks blowout loss vs. the Falcons doesn't instill the most confidence .Also, last years similar spot and loss is a little scary:
" Las Vegas (6-5), in a battle with Miami, Indianapolis and Baltimore for the final two wild card spots in the AFC, were in a similar position last season. And that 3-7 Jets squad thumped the 6-4 Raiders, 34-3, as quarterback Sam Darnold played arguably his best game as a professional, going 20-of-29 passing for 315 yards, two touchdowns and no interceptions while also rushing for another score. "
Carr traveling East for a 1pm game 🤔
The Jets have decided to roll with Darnold as long as he is healthy.
My algo has this as a projected 27-20 LV with a cover% of only 54. A little worried on this game as I could easily see the Raiders winning 31-13, but also see them losing 20-17. Maybe the play in this one is the Under😏

New Orleans at Atlanta: Divisional rematch of two weeks ago. For some reason, just like last year, the Falcon's defense played horribly in the first half, but decides to show up for the second half of the season. They were a little lost in the first match up, but I expect them to have a better defensive showing this time around. NO is 2-0 with Taysum starting. I expect their defense to continue to perform, especially against a divisional rematch. However, I don't think Taysum will fair as well this time around. ATL +3.5, @ home, in the rematch, plus no Brees?
ALGO favors ATL points, and the Under. Might even drop some sprinkles on the cupcake.

Cleveland at Tennessee: BIG match up here. Two playoff contenders in the same conference. Both have amazing running games. Cleveland gets back Miles Garret this week. Tenn might be getting back Humphries. My algo has this as TEN -3.5 and a cover of the 5.5 only 36%. You know that means we will be looking dog here. More excited to watch this game and check out 3 of the top 5 running backs right now. (Maybe only 2, but Hunt is pretty ok)
Might be worth a little sprinkle on the cupcakes!

New York Giants at Seattle: Giants HAVE won 3 in a row, and their defense is looking decent. However, those wins have come against Washington, Philadelphia and Cincinnati -- teams with a combined record of 9-22-2. (and cincy could have been a loss if Burrow didnt go down)
Seattle is rounding into Superbowl form and on top of their defense starting to gel, get Chris Carson and Carlos Hyde is back after injuries sidelined both for a month.
While I expect Seattle to win almost always, their M.O. is winning close games. So double digit points is not something I will look at against a defense capable of scoring.

LA Rams at Arizona: Rams horrible loss last week. It's like Shanahan just knows how to out coach McVay. Arizona hasn't really won a game (besides a last second hail marry) in a month. If they were a playoff contender, they should have taken care of New England last week. Majority of $$ on AZ right now, yet the line opened at -1 and has climbed to LA -3 in most spots. RLM on the minority always has me looking that way.

Eagles at Packers: Eagles have looked like trash. Packers have shined like gold. My algo has this only GB -5.5 so as the line climbs higher, I can't help but look at Philly. Their perception is trash, however their defense is decent. Tied for second in sacks this year and 5th in 3rd down completion percentage. (their defense vs opponents offense) If this was a normal year I would LOVE some philly sprinkles.

New England at LA Chargers: I am going to avoid this game. I personally love Bill B and this year have taken a liking to Justin Herbert. The line is almost nothing so I can't see much value here in a coin flip game.

Denver at Kansas City: Primetime divisional battle. Does anyone give Denver a chance to Win this game? Outside of Mahomey getting taken out of the game and a ton of penalties giving DEN great field position for a ton of scores...No. But also, how often have you ever seen me ride double digit lines. If it is, it is the dog. And do I step in front of the KC pain train? No. Skip

Mon/Tue games: Leans on PIT ml, SF ml, DAL spread

I have 30u of FB to use this week. You know they are going in the parlay section :D
Singles (76-103, -38.03u)

CHI -2.5 (1.15u to win 1u)
Cincy +10.5 (1.1u to win 1u)
HOU +3.5 (1.15u to win 1u)
HOU ML (1u to win 1.45u)
ATL ML (1u to win 1.25u)
CLE +5.5 (1.1u to win 1u)
Landry 4.5 Rec Over (1.1u to win 1u)
LAR -2.5 (1.1u to win 1u)
PHL +9.5 (1.2u to win 1u)
49ers -1 (1.1u to win 1u)

Parlays (6-27, +37.76u)

MIA, MIN, LV, SEA, LAR, KC, PIT (FBu to win 100.72u)
MIA, MIN, LV, SEA, LAR, KC, PIT, CLE +6.5, HOU +6.5, ATL+4.5, CHI +4.5, SF ml (FB to win 298.81u)

Teasers (2-3, +23.38u)

ATL Under 49.5 ,HOU +10.5, CIN Under 49.5, LAR +4.5 (2.4u to win 7.22u)
Might also throw a mask on and go to the Ocean Casino and throw in a teaser card for some fun :D

BBDLS (0-56, -44.09u)

I have a few in, mostly FBs. One for 1.2u

Thank you for Reading. Good luck to everyone!

Florida to San Jose California, 1964 Corvette, 1986 timeframe

History of Clifton Hill Part 5 (Final): What Could Have Been, and What Can Still Be

Thank you to everyone who has followed this series or voted for it's creation. I'm glad you've enjoyed it and I'm always happy to spread the important history of the amusement industry, especially pertaining to the place that inspired me to go into the industry. For parts 1-4 scroll back in this sub or click my profile.
In 1989, Welland Securities, who owned the entire south-west side of the Hill, would develop the final portion of unused land on Clifton Hill. They would become HOCO (Harry Oakes Company) and gain ownership of almost all the attractions on land they leased out. This included Movieland, The Space Spiral Tower and the Cliffside Motel. The only attractions that would continue being leased were Ripley's and Circus World, meaning HOCO not only owned all the land on the South-West side of the hill, they now ran everything between Circus World and Ripley's, as well as the Fudge Factory (in its original spot) and an ice cream stand immediately down the hill from Circus World. They planned to keep everything that was on the hill but build on it.
Movieland was remodeled and the outside was given a more noticeable Egyptian theme to match the lobby. This meant large lion statues and Costello's talking pharaoh. The lobby was remodeled as well. Rather than a cameraman and a director filming Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra, they would now be filming Costello's Indiana Jones figure, who lowered up and down on a rope above a fogging pit with a cobra rising out of it. Many of the early talkie-era stars in the hall immediately after the entrance (along with Elizabeth Taylor) were moved to 2 large display cases in the middle of the attraction with multiple figures, instead of each one having their own scene. In their original spot just inside the entrance an intentionally scary scene was created to match the popular Indiana Jones series. Many of the figures Costello had added since he became the museum's artist were slightly frightening, like a lunging alligator or a startling Joker scene with a machine gun sound effect. The museum had been expanded at the end, and a large horror section had been added, with many figures like the mummy being from the same mold as the House of Frankenstein/Castle Dracula mummys. Unlike when it would move to it's current location in 2005, the old location's chicken exit was placed before the horror section rather than the haunted house portion. In fact, there was no haunted house section, many of the figures that would end up in the haunted house section of the new location were simply scattered throughout the museum. Many of the figures in the horror section of the original museum were actually less scary and less animated than the Jurassic park scene or the alligator encountered earlier in the museum. To prevent unsuspecting parents who had no clue what kind of attraction this was dragging their children in and expecting static figures of washed-up movie stars, getting the living daylights scared out of them, then end ending up filing complaints with HOCO's customer service department, an intentionally scary scene was put at the beginning. This let people know what they were walking in to, an experience rather than a museum. Costello designed figures behind plexiglass such as a man upside down in a cocoon thrashing around, a skull that popped up from the floorboards in a scene full of snakes, a man on a bed of spikes that fell towards you, and a scene with spiders on fishing line "jumping" all over a rotting corpse.
The Cliffside Motel was amalgamated into a wing of the Quality Inn, and the driveway into it off the hill was removed as it was no longer necessary because it could be accessed from the Quality Inn parking lot. In the driveway's place was now a large empty space between Circus World and Movieland, with the Space Spiral Tower (with a relatively small footprint) stuck in the middle. HOCO called upon attraction design and layout firm White Hutchison Leisure Learning Group (WHLLG) to design an attraction around the Space Spiral that would use the final undeveloped land on Clifton Hill. And so WHLLG designed Dazzleland Family Fun Centre. Dazzleland was a courtyard of buildings arranged in roughly the same layout as the Great Canadian Midway (for reasons we'll get to later) that sits on the land now. The buildings around the outside of the courtyard were long and narrow, picture a courtyard of carnival game trailers but permanent, appealing buildings. These buildings included a Skee-ball building, a sports game building (basketball games, football toss etc.), a racing game building, a pinball building, a funnel cake shop, and the prize counter. In the back corner, roughly where the XD Theatre now is in the midway, was a larger building: an arcade housing video games and more pinball machines. In the middle of the courtyard was a small carousel, and a small building housing games that dispensed their own prizes (claw machines, prize egg games, etc.) and coin-op kiddie rides.
The Space Spiral was incorporated into Dazzleland, still being accessible directly off the hill. As mentioned in part 3, the tower was exactly where the Fudge Factory now is, as the circular store was once the loading area for the tower. At this time the snack bars beside the tower right on the hill were constructed: a pretzel/hotdog stand and an ice cream stand, both of which are still there. The Wendy's was built on top of Circus World, replacing the mini golf that had formerly been on the attraction's roof. Across the entrance to Dazzleland's courtyard from Wendy's was a Domino's Pizza, roughly where the photo booth just to your right is when entering the Great Canadian Midway now. Between the Space Spiral and the Dominos was a fortune teller machine built right into the wall: "Ask the Brain". The brain still lives on inside Movieland, except now he wants a loonie instead of a quarter. Just up the hill from the Space Spiral, on top of the hot dog and ice cream stand, a small sports bar was built. Very little is known about this sports bar, but obvious remnants of it still exists. The area of Boston Pizza closest to the hill (the back corner near the kitchen, the bar area, and the raised dining area) was the originally the sports bar. It featured a small coin-op bowling lane, arcade games, and food. The stairs in the Midway up to Boston Pizza beside Ghostblasters is the original stairs up from Dazzleland to the sports bar. Additionally, the Boston Pizza entrance closer to the hill (not the one with the big bowling pin, other one) was the main entrance to the sports bar. Little is known about the bar, including it's name. It may not have had one, simply being part of the Dazzleland complex. Many of the areas in Dazzleland didn't have a name, simply having signs heralding "Arcade", "Sports Games", "Skeeball" rather than naming the areas like the "Game Factory", "Sports Zone" or "Strike! Rock 'n Bowl" like in the Midway. For this reason, the bar may have been nameless, simply being part of the Dazzleland complex, but it's unlikely a dining establishment geared at adult nightlife wouldn't have a name.
Because the mini golf on Circus World's roof had been operated by the Cliffside Motel operators, HOCO acquired all the assets from it when they stopped leasing the land out. When the aforementioned Wendy's was built, the mini golf was moved just up the hill from the sports bar. It's entrance was right on the hill, but the course wrapped around the sports bar and ran back behind Dazzleland, between the back of Dazzleland and the parking lot of the Quality Inn. It would now be dinosaur themed and heavily landscaped. WHLLG designed the course and HOCO contracted Costello to build all the fiberglass dinosaurs. It's unknown what it's original name was, but in the early 90s, with the smash hit of Jurassic Park, it was renamed Dinosaur Park and given a similar logo. Up until the 2018 remodel, Boston Pizza had a patio. This patio was the exact location of the entrance to the mini golf, and the reason the restaurant's building curved in such a bizarre way surrounding the patio was originally to accommodate the course. Underneath the sports bar and mini golf and was an underground building accessible from a back corner of Dazzleland's courtyard. This area housed all of Dazzleland's miscellaneous ticket redemption games and 2 shooting galleries. The low-ceiling area of the Midway called the "Game Factory" is this original building. The Bonanaza Company shooting gallery is still there albeit heavily remodeled, but Blasteroids, an early project by arcade game company Lazer-Tron, was removed in 2016. Interestingly, the chase lights along the back wall of the Game Factory are Dazzleland holdovers. Between the shooting gallery and where what's left of the racing games now are is a bank of maintenance doors. If you get lucky and see them open, you'll see a stairs that was originally an entrance to Dazzleland from further up the street, beside Dinosaur Park. This now lets out somewhere in Boston Pizza's arcade (although I haven't been able to figure out where) and is used by staff to get from "a" to "b" faster.
Dazzleland has been the hardest to dig up information on in my research on Clifton Hill. Although I now know what was in each of the buildings around the outside of this "courtyard", I haven't been able to find which one was where. The only things I've confirmed is where the video game building was, what was in the building in the middle, and confirmed that the Game Factory was originally part of Dazzleland. The rest is beyond me and my memories of it have long faded. If anyone worked here or visited it frequently and has any answers, they would be greatly appreciated. Additionally there was a small pool near the front with a Costello dragon figure in it that spit water out it's mouth. I've heard conflicting reports that this was just a fountain, and others saying it was a small bumper boat or RC boat attraction, but my guess is it was just a fountain as it seems like a pretty small pool. The same year, fiberglass dragon waterslides were added to the Quality Inn pool. Although bearing striking resemblance to Costello's dinosaurs and Dazzleland dragon, at least one more of each of the dragon slides exist, all the way down in Texas. It was originally thought this Texas waterpark bought them off HOCO when Quality Inn closed, but one of the Quality Inn dragons appeared on an episode of shipping wars going to Kansas and the other was recently found abandoned on a private residential property in Niagara, proving they are in fact not the ones at the Texas waterpark. This is evidence they may have been mass produced.
By the time Dazzleland opened in 1989, it was the 8th arcade on the hill (after Circus World, Q-Balls Billiards Pub in Quality Inn, the arcade in Ripley's, the arcade in the Foxhead, the arcade in Castle Dracula, Funland in the basement of the House of Frankenstein, and an arcade that had recently opened in the Pilgrim Motel in their gift shop.) These were just the large-scale, dedicated arcades right on the hill. Many others could be found nearby in Maple Leaf Village, the Skylon, the Seagram, Pyramid Place and the Imperial Hotel as well as many mini golf courses and family fun centres along Lundy's Ln. and the QEW. Also, virtually every gift shop on Clifton Hill and Victoria Ave. had a game or 2.
The mix of arcades, haunted houses, fast food, nightlife and stores selling t-shirts and posters had started a well-known rock culture in Niagara Falls among Southern Ontario youth. The epicenter of this was "Rock World", a rock-themed gift shop that had opened in 1983 on Centre St. (the street Clifton Hill becomes just above Victoria Ave.) They would later add a second story and build Rock Legends Wax Museum above it, with all the figures sculpted by the store's owner Pasquale Rammuno. In 1996, Maple Leaf Village was replaced by Casino Niagara, and many of the attractions found new homes on Victoria Ave., including Screamers and Nightmares. The Elvis Museum, Antique Auto Museum, 50s diner nightclub, and arcade all moved to Pyramid Place adjacent to the IMAX pyramid. Screamers prospered on Victoria Ave., and 2 "sequel attractions" were built in the early 2000s: Creatures of the Night on Victoria Ave. and Horror Manothe Zombie Zoo Nightclub on Centre St. Another attraction, Alien Encounter, would open at the corner of Victoria Ave. and Clifton Hill beside the Criminals Hall of Fame. This slightly thematically darker "north of the hill" area with the Screamers chain, the Criminals Hall of Fame, Rock Legends, Nightmares and Alien Encounter became a "main strip" all in it's own.
As mentioned before, since the cabin courts were all town down in the early 50s, nothing had been torn down on Clifton Hill. The only exception was the Houdini Hall of Fame that burnt to ash in 1996. Some of Houdini's Last Words were claiming that anything revealing his secrets would perish in flame, and even though the fire completely leveled the museum, the plywood and fiberglass paneled House of Frankenstein only separated from it by a 2-foot wide alley was completely untouched, leading a lot of Houdini's fans to believe he was conducting some kind of post-mortem practical joke. The metal objects like handcuffs and the water tank could be saved, and were bought by David Copperfield. Ripley's Moving Theatre was built in it's place. Over the 30 years from Tussaud's opening in 1959 to Dazzleland in 1989, Clifton Hill had expanded and filled up the land. However that didn't mean it was time to tear things down. Things were simply moved around or remodeled to keep them fresh, not out of an unwillingness to change, but because these things had become ingrained in the landscape. Examples of this were Tussaud's moving to its current home in the old building of a restaurant that had since moved on Victoria Ave., rather than the attraction shutting down, or the Adventure Dome Theatre oepneing in part of the Honeymoon City's gift shop. In Tussaud's old place was built the MGM walkthrough/store, Pink Panther ride and 4D Ride in 2002. The beer garden beside it was replaced with the WWE building and the Piledriver ride, but the beer area was moved to between the 2 attractions. In 2004 the Foxhead's arcade was expanded and re-themed into the Marvel Superheros Adventure City.
Another great example of re-freshing an existing attraction was Dazzleland. A simple realization was made, more games = more money and higher guest enjoyment. The outdoor courtyard style with it's room for walkways between the buildings was re-designed, and HOCO again called upon WHLLG. WHLLG designed not only a remodel of Dazzleland, but an incredible 5-step plan that would have made Clifton Hill financially on par with a major theme park. Steps 1-3 came to fruition. Step 1 was remodeling Dazzleland into the Great Canadian Midway in 2002. The level, concrete foundation Dazzleland was built on was kept as the foundation of the Midway, hence why it has the same layout. The former video game building at the back became the FX Ride Theatre (now XD Theatre/Wild West Coaster) in the Midway. The funnel cake shop was kept where it was in Dazzleland except now it was in the Midway, between the FX Ride and the Prize Counter. The area housing Dazzleland's ticket redemption games became the Game Factory. The middle building housing the claw games and kiddie rides was demolished, as it was no longer needed because the Midway was fully indoors and there was now a massive space to put games. The sports bar was expanded and became Boston Pizza, so Dinosaur Park was moved to in front of the Comfort Inn. Under the expanded Boston Pizza, Sally Corp. was hired to build the interactive Ghostblasters dark ride. All of Dazzleland's old games made the transition into the Midway, however very few are still around.
With the Midway making serious buck, HOCO went ahead with phase 2 of WHLLG's plan. Movieland was moved to Circus World's former location in 2005, and Circus World's owners moved the attraction to what was then the popular Victoria Ave. area. In Movieland's old home, Cosmic Golf, a blacklight golf was temporarily set up. 2 years later in 2007, the golf moved to it's permanent home in the basement becoming Galaxy Golf and the gift shop that had been formerly in the basement was moved upstairs. Movieland retained all the figures and sets they had at the time of the move, moving them all into the new space. All the scary elements were put in the new "House of Horrors", a small optional haunted house at the end of the attraction.
Phase 3 involved beginning to demolish the only thing that WHLLG's 5 phase plan would have torn down: Quality Inn. In it's place an amusement park would have been built, anchored by Canada's largest ferris wheel. The wheel would be phase 3 and the amusement park phase 4. Though both WHLLG and HOCO recognized the historical value of the hotel, it had reasons to go. The hotel may have been full of your usual hazardous mid-century building materials (however Comfort Inn built by the same firm the same year was found to have no hazardous materials when it was torn down in 2015, so who knows) but the main issue was elevators and the amount of space it took up. Comfort Inn only had 2 wings, one on each side of the lobby, and only 2 elevators would have needed to be installed. This wasn't legally necessary, as no law states that buildings of age absolutely have to be 100% accessible, it was more something HOCO wanted to do. Quality Inn had multiple wings that weren't accessible from one another, so an elevator would need to be installed in each wing. In addition to the elevator issue, Comfort Inn was chosen as the hotel to keep because the building was integrated with Kelsey's, Rumors Nightclub, Ripley's, and Dinosaur Park, all of which wouldn't have been touched in WHLLG's 5 phase plan. Finally, Comfort Inn's land wasn't big enough for an amusement park whereas Quality Inn's was. 2 things would justify the demolition of Quality Inn. One, it's sister hotel, Comfort Inn, would have been kept. The other reason justifying the demolition would be phase 5: a skyscraper hotel and indoooutdoor waterpark in the field between Clifton Hill and the Skylon Tower. The dragon figures from Quality Inn's pool were kept in HOCO's storage for a time for this waterpark. The final vision can be seen here.
Phase 3 would go ahead in 2006, with the lobby, Golden Griddle and Q-Balls Billiard pub of Quality Inn being torn down and the Skywheel built in it's place. For the last year Quality Inn was open, you would need to register at Comfort Inn's lobby. The same year, the Space Spiral was torn down, as 2 observation attractions wouldn't be needed on the hill. However, a new spiral tower would have been constructed during phase 4 in the theme park. The reason the tower would be demolished rather than moved was because a tower manufactured by the same company in Wildwood, NJ, had begun to sway a few years earlier, resulting in it needing to be removed entirely for safety reasons. Phase 4 was set to go ahead in 2010, so in 2009 the remainder of Quality Inn was demolished. It seemed as though everything would fall into place, and with the exception of Quality Inn making it's sacrifice, everything on Clifton Hill that had been there for 20-60 years would be there forever, just greatly expanded on.
Unfortunately, this came at a turning point for Clifton Hill, when the recession was in full swing and tourism had declined since 9/11. Changing technology and interests, but no real nostalgia trend yet, created a perfect storm, and the idea was scrapped. Especially now that there would be no amusement park, a lot of area attractions closed. HOCO now needed to find a new design company to completely re-design the project. The problem was, Quality Inn was already torn down to make way for the amusement park. HOCO reluctantly found a new design company who had no projects under their belt yet, IDS. HOCO was hopeful the Canadian company could help give them a similar vision to their previous 5 stage plan, that would help them re-use many of the already implemented stages and despite scrapping the amusement park, would simply scale down and redesign the hotel. This was done in hopes that the city would be much more likely to approve just another high rise hotel than an amusement park as well. IDS' new plan was much different than what HOCO was looking for. It featured tearing down Ripley's, Comfort Inn, Kelsey's, and Rumours Nightclub and building a Titanic Museum shaped like the boat. It also featured building a large mall within the hotel rather than a waterpark and relocating and expanding Dinosaur Park into Dinosaur Adventure Golf on Quality Inn's old land. While HOCO thankfully chose not to go ahead with the mall and Titanic Museum, they would build Dinosaur Adventure Golf and work with IDS to make a more feasible plan that better suited Clifton Hill.
The new plan featured Dinosaur Adventure Golf and Strike! Rock 'n Bowl as phase 1. It also included removing a lot of the thematic brand identity elements WHLLG had implemented to coincide with their final amusement park vision and replacing Galaxy Golf with Wizard's Golf as phase 2. Phase 3 would feature tearing down Comfort Inn (that never got it's elevators due to it no longer being planned to be kept), building Niagara Speedway in it's place, and removing Rumors Nightclub to accommodate the new Kelsey's bathrooms and Zombie Attack. Phase 4 would feature remodelling Wendy's, Boston Pizza and Kelsey's. Phase 5 would feature a mall (no hotel) in the field between Dinosaur Adventure Golf and the Skylon, but this final phase will likely never come to fruition.
Multiple attractions have closed since the late 2000's, such as the entire Screamers chain, Circus World, The Criminals Hall of Fame, Funland Arcade and Alien Encounter. The Hilltop Motel became the current home of the Upside Down House, and the Pilgrim Motel became Captain Jack's. Ironically, the only part of the building that's not part of the entertainment centre is a Mini Mart at the back that was the original arcade in the Pilgrim. Virtually everything in the Falls. Ave. complex other than Rainforest Cafe and the 4D theatre is gone. Marvel Superheroes Adventure City lost its license after Disney bought Marvel, and it simply became Adventure City. The Hulk Mini Golf became jungle themed, Spider-Man references were (poorly) removed from the dark ride, and X-men referenced were (also poorly) removed from the bumper cars. References to Marvel can still be found in the arcade, such as Spider-Man's face on a tree that was only covered up a few years ago. The WWE Store, after being abandoned since 2012, was turned into the Niagara Brewery Beer Store in 2016, fitting considering the land's history as a beer garden. Planet Hollywood on Falls Ave. closed around 2014, and is still abandoned. The MGM walkthrough was abandoned for over 10 years before becoming a barbecue restaurant in 2019.
The changes in the Falls Ave. complex are an example of good change, replacing abandoned attractions with ones that if anything are closer to what used to be there, such as Adventure City becoming an unthemed arcade again or the Beer Store being where the Beer Garden once was. Another example of this good change would be the long abandoned (and burnt) Adventure Dome that had briefly held a Lego attraction being turned into the Amazing Big Top Mirror and Lazer Maze in 2017. However a perfect example of negative change is the Rock Legends Wax Museum being forced out of business because a YouTube video of the museum was flagged for copyrighted music by YouTube's algorithms. This lead Sony Music to investigate the museum and shut it down last year if it wouldn't pay ridiculous licensing fees, which it couldn't afford.
Another example is IDS' redevelopment plan. HOCO is now locked in a contract with them, even though they obviously have very different ideas on the direction of Clifton Hill. Phase 1 was implemented in 2011, with Boston Pizza expanding their arcade to include Strike! Rock 'n Bowl and Dinosaur Park moving to where Quality Inn was and being renamed Dinosaur Adventure Golf. All of Costello's original dinosaurs (with the exception of the original Pterodactyl) would "migrate" to the new location where they would be joined by dozens of new mass-produced dinosaurs. Interestingly, foundations were built back in 2011 for the original 2 Brontosaurs to appear as if they were coming out of the ponds, but they wouldn't show up until 2019 when they were brought back out of storage to be installed, only to lay on the ground for a few months before going back into storage. Although it didn't use new hand-made figures, this attraction was a change that fits the spirit of Clifton Hill and was a good replacement for the empty plot of land that had once housed Quality Inn, even if an amusement park would have been better. The same cannot be said about the rest of IDS' plan. Many thematic elements installed throughout the hill by WHLLG (especially in Movieland and the Midway) were removed in phase 2 in 2013 simply to fit with IDS's image better, costing HOCO a lot of money. Phase 3 went ahead in 2015, and the 60 year old Comfort Inn was demolished, along with the old HOCO offices in it that if you remember from part 1, was the original nearly 200 year old stable building for the Zimmerman estate. Niagara Speedway was built in it's place, and if you look at the prices to drive it, then watch how many people do, you realize just how much they're making off it. Rumors Nightclub, originally the Queen's Door Nightclub in 1956, was gutted and turned into Zombie Attack and the new Kelsey's bathrooms, as the old ones had been in the Comfort Inn building. Phase 4 in 2018 extensively remodeled Wendy's as well as Boston Pizza, removing the patio.
Ghostblasters is now the final untouched WHLLG era attraction on the land. This is made even more troubling by the fact the signs for it were just removed and replaced with temporary ones, as I said in the post that started the entire discussion on whether or not I should do this series. If the attraction does go, we can only hope that a new interactive dark ride utilizing artistry, dimensional scenes and props much like Ghostblasters does is built, however that likely won't be the case. Triotech is the lead designer of ride through shooting games, that feature a dark ride car that travels through a hallway with screens on each side of it rather than real props. Triotech has dealt with HOCO before, building both the Wild West Coaster and Zombie Attack, so all signs point to one of these attractions replacing Ghostblasters if it closes.
There is still hope that Clifton Hill can retain it's spirit, but it stands at a crossroads. The House of Frankenstein for example, while retaining many original scenes, has had many removed and replaced with nothing, and many areas of the museum taken out entirely. Castle Dracula on the other hand hasn't updated a thing, but hasn't cared for the original scenes either, leaving them to fall into disrepair and only having 7 or 8 of the original 70 still lit, and none of them still functional. There are 2 directions Clifton Hill can go. With many attractions like the ones on HOCO's side being demolished to make way for whatever is trendy and lucrative, and many hanging on by a thread like Castle Dracula or Ghostblasters, the Hill is in real danger of becoming an endlessly overturning and developing area. However, with money recently being poured back into attractions like the Haunted House, Ripley's, and Guinness and attractions being redeveloped like the Falls Ave. complex or the Big Top Mirror maze, there is hope. If people, including the companies that own them, can recognise the historical value of attractions like Castle Dracula, The House of Frankenstien, Movieland, Tussaud's, etc., this can be promoted and the recent nostalgia boom can create large profits if this is played up. Additionally, future developments can still be more in the vein of what WHLLG envisioned for Clifton Hill, or what the Burlands recently did with the well done Big Top Mirror Maze. This is both profitable and economically sensible, as repeat customers that make memories and come to the area for generations with occasional new updates/re-themings (like what Clifton Hill did from the 50s-2010s), is far more profitable than a constantly turning over wave of new developments that cost millions to build that changes with each generation.
Thank you to everyone who has followed this series. Sorry for the length of this, but I promised this would be the last installment, so it has to be longer. If you have any information pertaining to Dazzleland or anything you know that I didn't cover in this series, let me know. Additionally, if you would like me to dig up photos on anything that I mentioned in the series, let me know, as unless it's the Dazzleland dragon, I probably have a photo of it. I will likely post many of them here anyway in time. Thanks again.

Has anyone had family members replaced? It's the craziest thing that's happened to me so far (updated)

[LET'S BUILD] D100 Modern(ish)/Superhero Cities

Unlike my previous post, this post will be for original cities rather than renamed ones. These can be more fantastical than the real world, too, operated on superhero comic rules. Some people are born with superpowers. Magic and supernatural creatures are real, albeit kept secret from the mundane world. Aliens occasionally invade, advanced technology can be found in many mad scientist labs, but the world as a whole is still recognizable as our own.

Platinum City - A sparkling American east coast city, it's skyline covered in glass skyscrapers with monorails arcing between important buildings, this is one of the most technologically advanced cities in the world. It was always home to the prestigious Argent University of Science, but the city truly grew after a normally horrible accident. Research into the metahuman gene in the late 70s went wrong and polluted the soil and water in the area. Nearly 1 in 4 people born in the city are born with the metahuman gene. People flocked here hoping to give their future generations a better life. By the 90s, many tweens began manifesting powers and the city practically became a warzone. It was here that the concept of superheroes and supervillains became widespread. Those who didn't go mad with power found themselves using their powers to improve the city in the 2000s, leading it to the grand state it's in now.
St. Vladimir - This Minnesotan city and the surrounding suburbs are more important to the world than most realize. While the mundane world knows of the powerful Russian mafia which seems to control the area, few know that these mafiosos are monster hunters. The city is silently in a feud between the hunters, vampires, and the black magic practitioners who flock to the city. Wendigos and ghouls lurk through the alleyways while vampires control many large businesses. The only reason the monsters remain is because of the structure that has formed, allowing most to obtain the necessary blood, flesh, and (in the warlocks' case) ritual components required for them to stave off death/starvation/their demonic masters.
The Burg - a floating city composed of powerless folks trying to get away from the metahumans, the people there call it the last bastion of humanity if the "superfreaks" ever decide to destroy everything. This city floats around near the Arctic circle and is mostly a lashed together boat city. (u/seriousd6)
Hana - well hidden desert city where the residents (powered and not) all live in harmony under a caring leader who is committed to stop the research into metahuman genetics, and believes that researchers in this field are performing harmful experiments on the people to further their ends. (u/seriousd6)
The Cap - an extremely mechanical city (think steampunk) where a niche metahuman group has decided to band together, this has become a haven for all those with heat-related powers. The price for living is to help run the boilers that power the city, the reward is community and safety in numbers. (Bonus points if it is on or near a volcano) (u/seriousd6)
Willowville- A small USA southern town. In the 1930s a small meteorite crashed and it’s strange ore contaminated the land and water. Generations later children are being born with powers, but the town leaders are doing al they can to keep it secret. (u/ravi95035)
Peninsula City - west coast USA city founded by three supers in the late 1800s that now serves as a sanctuary city for supers. (u/ravi95035)
Nairos - Northern African city protected by the Warriors of Clay (sentient clay golems), a safe haven for supers in that global area. (u/ravi95035)
Salem's Burrow, Kansas- An unassuming farm town in the middle of no where. Most of the roads are dirt with a spartan few asphalt roads. Corn fields as far as the eye can see with an occasional old house or a different crop breaking the rows for a moment before more corn fields. In reality, it hides a troll market with tunnels from every basement and farm house (basically a market that sells everything from legitimate merchandise to slaves to counterfeit goods to black magic rituals schematics). All the farmers are the same entity that can manifest in various forms perfectly who been serving fey folks, supers, humans, and freaks as a cover for the eyes of various "unaligned" and hostile groups though only the most ancient beings know this secret. (u/Th3R3493r)
The Okínihaŋ Reservation: It is a series of reservation Native American Reservation in South and North Dakota. Before the Government and pioneers came, the tribes stretched over the Great Plains. Now on the surface, it is the remnants of various tribes who run an empire of casinos and try to keep their traditions alive. Due to their legal system being different and the state of world, they operate a covert mercenary corps comprised of various "monsters" as most would call them from Lechuza (owl-women who specialized in nighttime recon and target extractions), Skin walkers (various roles from combat to subterfuge), Teihiihan and Nimerigar (supposedly dead formerly cannibalistic races of dwarf-like operators who are now engineering and forensic experts), Kushtaka (otter-men who aid forces in stealth maritime offensives), and various others including a few "Gods from the Time the Earth was new". They cover it up with actors and legitimate conspiracy theorist on the fringes constantly given every direction but the right ones. (u/Th3R3493r)
!!! (pronounced by throwing your hands up and stomping loudly) or Paralite- It is an alien city nowadays. Not like tourist-trap towns, the aliens are there. !!! was secretly founded in 1956 by ⏃⌰⟊⍜⊑⋏ ⋔⏃⋏⌇⍜⋏ (in English, Al'John Manson) a "supposedly" exiled prince of scavenger civilization who brought a ⟟⌇☌⏃⌰⏃⋏⏁⟟⏃⋏ (Isgalantian) warship to the back yard of a doomsday prepper by the name of Jonathon Manson who became his advisor after this superpower of universal translation was found out accident as he cussed the alien warship out in fluent ☊⍜⋔⋔⍜⋏ (Common). After the CIA was tasked to "peacefully" resolve the problem and ⏃⌰⟊⍜⊑⋏ ⋔⏃⋏⌇⍜⋏ made a agreement to help forward technology to bested the Reds (who obtained scraped and damaged tech from the Tunguska event of 1908 and "The Night of Green Lights"), the town became a headquarter for the Black Suits (MiB like organzation) and a safe haven. With the first Cold War ending when the re-release of Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin by an unknown cosmic entity, the town was silently reclassified and became another Silicon Valley under the name Paralite and a embassy for friendly extraterrestrial alien lifeforms. (u/Th3R3493r)
The Arks - it is a secret system of floating city much like the Burg, but, more selective of their population. Supers, Aliens, Freaks, Cryptids and Normals are equally accepted and screened with any possible damning flaws or factors will be grounds of denial or termination if they are compromised after entry. The Arks are attempts as an ultramodern semi-utopia and a backup plan if the sea rising causes the civilization to have go to sea permanently. While organized crime syndicates still attempt to get a foot hold on them, all attempts have been unsuccessful and unprofitable for now. But, as long the Arks are on the horizon and shanty town of boats trail behind them waiting for the day they can take an Ark for their side and to use as a forwarding base for operations. (u/Th3R3493r)
Big Mountain, Nevada (Big Empty or Big MT) - formerly a government ran town that held the "best and brightest that the world had to offer". Long story short, "best and brightest" did not account for morals. So, with blank checks without a concern for ethics, morality, and human rights, It became a refugee full of mad scientist, mutants, mutates, and cyborgs. The current overseer has the town look and play like a sitcom 1950's suburbia minus most of the prejudices with the motto "Est Normalis Nova Impar (The Odd New Normal)". The Government officials supposed to run it were blacklisted for "being communist sympathizers" for various unsupported reasons in McCarthy's Witch Hunts. The town is still running on the funds from selling man-made precious metals and stone while in the guise of an unprofitable dying mining town on IRS records. (u/Th3R3493r)
Carne Quemada, Texas - A small unassuming city founded near several important intersections after the rise of the railroad in America. If there was a head of livestock bound for the East Coast from West Coast, It went through Carney before heading further. On the surface, It is just another drive-by town with the headquarter of a small family ran butcher shop/BBQ joint, but, it is ran by puppet officials controlled a old money family, Navaneeth, that specializes in the Arcane Arts and Dark Arts. The family patriarch is reportedly over 2800 years old but still looks to be in his late 50 and in the body of an Olympian. This family has their hands in the rise and fall of nearly every major meat based company since the apex of Rome. 'Word to the Wise' is do NOT try to spread vegan or animal rights propaganda in the town unless you want to "go missing" and end up as the unquestioning "circuitry" of the eco-friendly automation in a far off slaughterhouse. (u/Th3R3493r)
Capitol City, Ambiguous America - A large, metropolitan city with an Important American Landmark (capitol, museum, etc.). The city magically shifts forms and locations from time to time, leaving the inhabitants with no memory of it. No matter the form or location of the city it always represents an important part of American society. Capitol City exists within its own bubble, where people forget that leaving is an option. Whenever an alien, supervillain, kaiju, or magic-user attacks, chances are, it'll be here. The city has its own stock of good magic-users, superheroes, and military units, but these seem to shift in and out of being depending on the "genre" of the current disaster. In reality, Capitol City was created by a guild of powerful sorcerers who decided there should be somewhere on Earth to absorb disasters. It acts as a magnet for bad things and changes depending on what is needed to protect the rest of the world. (u/relinquisher42)

Deadline for public comments on filling wetlands @ Woodlands = Tomorrow June 18

Below is a collection of notices & comments from Nextdoor, etc.
https://nextdoor.com/news_feed/?post=150393141
From Wyandotte County Administrator's Office, Public Information Officer Unified Government
June 3, 2020
Woodlands Property For Sale. Las Vegas casino owner Phil Ruffin has put the former Woodlands racetrack facility up for sale.
Ruffin bought the several hundred-acre property near Leavenworth Road and I-435 five years ago with plans to reopen the horse track and add a facility with slot machines.
The Unified Government supported those efforts for the past several years, but the Kansas Legislature did not approve needed changes to the Kansas gaming law which would have made reopening the facility profitable.
Ruffin is tentatively selling the land to Scannell Properties which proposes building a one-million square foot warehouse distribution facility and office park with retail development on the corner of the former racetrack land.
Scannell Properties, based in Indianapolis, is a private real estate development firm with more than 300 development projects totaling more than 63-million square feet in 44 states and Canadian provinces.
When the sale is completed, Scannell plans to demolish the crumbling horse and dog tracks later this summer, with the new distribution center opening next year. The distribution facility is expected to create 1,000 new jobs.
70 acres between the new facility and Wyandotte County Lake will be reserved for green space and public walking trails.
The project plans are being reviewed by the Unified Government, State of Kansas, and Army Corps of Engineers. Advancement of the proposed plans will require a local public hearing and approval action by the Unified Government.
http://wyandottedaily.com/corps-of-engineers-kdhe-taking-public-comments-on-woodlands-project/
Here’s how you get a copy of the notice and who you direct those comments to:

Brian Donahue [email protected] (816) 389-3703 U.S. Army Corps of Engineers Kansas City Regulatory Office 635 Federal Building 601 East 12th Street Kansas City, Missouri, 64106

It asks to reference permit application No. NWK-2020-348 in all comments and/or inquiries relating to this project.
Public Notice is just to fill the 2.34 acres of emergent wetland within the project area (to prep for the construction of a 1+ million square foot commercial warehouse facility, etc), not for the whole project.
Either way, I'm not sure we should fill the wetlands before we've had our voices heard about the overall project, so I'll still be requesting a public hearing.
https://usace.contentdm.oclc.org/utils/getfile/collection/p16021coll7/id/14409
to get approval for the water quality certification to move forward with the project. Petitioning against it may not mean they abandon the project but I think it’s worth it to have a public hearing. At the very least the citizens of the county should have a voice in what goes there if it threatens water quality and water run off.
To request one, we must write to Brian and outline our specific concerns regarding filling the 2.34 acres of emergent wetland within the project area. While they do take into account public interest, their focus (as the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers) is to determine the environmental impacts of filling the wetlands.
They will grant a public hearing if they think they can learn new things about the environmental impact from the community.
In typical WYCO fashion there is no effort to openly inform the citizens. This has obviously been in action for a long time and we're finding out 2 weeks before the meeting and that info wasn't disclosed in yesterday's public information release it had to be tracked down by a private concerned citizen. Pathetic way to do things but if you're doing things not in the best interest of the people then not informing us untill after is the way WYCO does it.
Bennett Lake feeds Bennett Creek that flows past the old Ranger Station and into the Wyco Lake. Will this dry up the creek? Lots of folks fish in the creek.
Remember they've been wanting to build at the lake and you watch they will sneak it in. 30 years ago "Friends of the Lake" was formed to fight the county who tried to sneak in commercial development. It was almost needed to be reformed last year when the UG began opening plats up for sale. Now, it seems the time has come.
From what I understand they have already plotted the lots out at the lake. My neighbors got the letter letting them know.. it is already happening.. forsale signs will be popping up shortly.
A warehouse and trucking operation in the middle of residential and the lake.
WYCO has a warehouse district. It's called Fairfax -- With lots of empty places to use.
We need more green space. Too many office buildings are vacant, taking up to much space everywhere.. just sitting there empty. I'm sure this will all become another burden to the taxpayers of WYCO.
Run-off from the Legends already negatively affects properties in Edwardsville.
The creeks in Edwardsville have widened and deepened because of the extra run-off. Homes have been affected and businesses have closed on 98th street.
It is currently under contract for 20 million dollars. On the bright side, at least something is happening. The bad side, it’s a trucking warehouse. As a realtor, I worry about the the home values in the area. Nothing is finalized and it could all fall through. Nothing is signed right now. Me suggestion to homeowners is try to sell your house now while the market is hot. The surrounding neighborhoods will take a hit if a trucking warehouse goes in, in my opinion.
WYCO does not need any more failures ie Schlitterbahn which was not even 1/10th the development promised, T-bones stadium mismanaged and allowed to fall into debt and bankruptcy, Land of Oz - That was a big scam Bpu big shots pulled over on us while they made money.
Private pockets get lined every time something is proposed or built. Anyone who believes that our elected officials are doing anything to benefit the people needs to start researching every negative fact based article ever written starting soon after they refused GM from building. Elected representatives need to spend their time serving the people and not naming streets and community centers after themselves.
businesses at Legends didn't have to pay taxes for a couple years. That's why new places move in to Legends and couple years later move out when they have to start paying taxes
Even though elsewhere more commercial real estate lowers residential real estate taxes, doesn't work that way in Wyco the property taxes keep going up. The only ones who benefit are the businesses/companies that get all kinds of financial rewards and decades-long tax breaks to come here and then leave when they have gotten all they can get and of course the "good old boys" who make it happen. Meanwhile our taxes go up every year.
Put something there as long as there isn't any type of incentives given. It's getting ridiculous giving a bunch of money to companies to get them to develop here or anywhere for that matter.
The property cannot be fixed up for gaming as the state wanted more profit than what the facility needed to keep it running, and they refused to open it up fairly to gaming like other facilities in the state were allowed. It was a shame when Woodlands closed but it is much worse driving by property and seeing the decay it had become. A 1,000 jobs would help our community by bringing in tax money.
However, I do not have confidence on follow through with agreements with UGWYCO. Remember Schlitterbahn? Was supposed to use local people to build and operate. Our Laborers had to strike and still UGWYCO allowed construction to proceed, delivering nothing like what was promised.

Fall of Cleveland 5 - Uni the Unicorn pt2 (2/2) by Giant Neckbeard

Link to part 1
You're a Dirty-Grey Earth Fluffy with an even dirtier Black mane and tail, walking as fast as you can to the north, part of a massive Herd that stretches as far back as you can see and beyond.
Back when you were part of your Original Herd, you were called Dirt, because no matter what you did or how many times you jumped in the Water Holes, your Fluff seemed to attract dirt all on it's own. Now you're just 'Fwuffie', like everyone else.
Across the highway is another, equally massive Herd, full of Meanie Fluffies who say that Uni loves them more.
You'd go over and give them owies, but the Desert Fluffies know that Biggest Meanest Monsters come roaring down the highway frequently, so it's best to conserve your strength for the day when the Meanie Herd is being incredibly Mean.
As a Desert Fluffy, you know the surrounding regions quite well, but you've never had an adventure like this before
Follow the Black Hard Thing that Hoomins call the 'Highway', always follow it, never leave to follow down the smaller Black Hard Things, because they do not go 'North'. Find the Water Holes and have to stop Fluffies from pushing each other in.
Have to force them to wait for their turn, and then have to make those who have had their fill of water keep moving. And with so many Fluffies, thousands of them, it's hard to make them stop fighting.
The last water-hole, there was barely any water for the last few Fluffies, just very dirty water that they cried over, but drank anyways, because they were so hot and thirsty.
These Cee-Tee Fluffies are real pains in your Poopie Place. They never work together like your Herd used to.
And there's barely enough food for everyone now. Have to beat the Fluffies who try to eat everything, they are supposed to only have a mouthful of something and move on, so those behind them can eat too.
You have had to beat a lot of Fluffies to get them to understand that if they eat all the nummies, then their friends behind them will have none.
Then you had to keep driving them on when they tried to turn back and 'Gif Sowwy Huggies!' to their 'Fwiends'.
Have to stay on your side of the road too, as there's a Mean Herd just as big on the other side, eating all the shrubs and grass and shouting that they love Uni more than you do.
Want to fight the Mean Herd to prove you love Uni the most, but can't, Fluffies need to keep moving and go 'North' as fast as they can, and if you waste time fighting, then Uni might pick somebody else as her One True Special Friend.
Fluffies whimper, some cry about being hot, about their hooves hurting, about wanting nummies, but nobody stops. Uni is waiting, at a magical place...
Fluffies walk till it's too hot, then try to find shade to wait out the hottest part of the day.
Some of the Herd's Cee-Tee Stallions say they have been walking for many turnings of the Sun, from a place full of Hoomins and Fluffies and Grass and Water, and it makes your head spin that they would abandon such a paradise.
There's nothing out here but the blistering hot sun, the cruel, burning sand and small shrubs and patches of hard, bitter grass.
And Snake-Munsta and Bug-Munstas and... well, there's a lot of Munstas.
Until She came along, you despaired of ever finding a way out of this hellhole.
Uni... just remembering her makes your heart swell with longing, and you find the strength to push onwards just a little bit more.
"Too wamm!" A Stallion near the front of the Herd shouts. He's right, the Sun is climbing so high it's nearly overhead
Fluffies walk down into the bad-lands, and here is where you and you can help these 'Cee-Tee' Fluffies find shelter.
It's hard, there's more Fluffies than you can count, stretching back farther than you can see, but you try. Fluffy Mammas and Foals get the best shade, because they are the most vulnerable, then Mares, then Stallions.
Everyone is so hot, fluff is bad when Fluffies get this hot, so everyone pants through their mouths to try and make the 'Wamm Bad Feww' to leave their bodies.
Fluffies are warned about the Bug-Munstas and the Snake-Munstas, but some don't understand, or are too mean, and push into the rocks, looking for shelter.
Hear them scream as the Munstas sting them. Fluffies flop about, howling and pooping and shrieking as the Bad Bites make them spit boo-boo juices and turn ugly colors.
Fluffies cram in under shrubs, behind tall rocks, anywhere there is shade, and pant, flicking their tails and twitching their ears to try and make the Fly-Not-Friends who plague them go away.
On the other side of the road, the Other Fluffies are shouting in dismay, apparently several of their Herd tried to take shelter behind a Prickly Green Plant, and got bad owies from the thin needles that cover it.
Good. Don't like that Herd that is leading that mob of Cee-Tee Fluffies.
Made it impossible for you to be with Uni. Were naughty, so Uni's Hoomins pulled you all away.
You sigh and close your eyes, remembering how soft her fluff felt against your body, as the sun climbs higher into the sky, and the shade the Fluffies hide under shrinks
"Yuu weft dem awone! Wun away to chase Uni! Why yuu weave yuu Hewd to chase Uni! Bad Fwuffies! Hewds wuv yuu, an' yuu wun away!"
Whimper and try to forget the memory of Uni being so very angry with you. It's not your fault! She just... you think of Uni, and then your Mares, but there's just no comparison at all. Your Mares were small and scrawny and dirty, their ears ragged, their fluff full of dust and burrs.
Touching Uni was like... you don't know the words to describe it. It was like every good thing you ever wanted, and so many good things you never knew existed, all at once.
Soft, clean, warm, pretty, good feels, nice smells
You sigh and try to block out the sounds of Fluffy Ponies complaining loudly, pushing and shoving each other as the shade shrinks and shrinks, forcing the hot, unhappy Fluffies ever closer together.
But Uni is going 'North'.
And you will follow her to the ends of the Land, you said so.
You promised.
*********************************************************************
Well. Las Vegas...certainly more than you ever expected.
Spent a week and a half here, doing 'adverts' for various businesses that think appealing to Fluffy Pony Owners is a sound business decision.
Uni's getting the work out of her life here.
Fluffies are brought out to meet her by their owners, get hugs, and 'help' with the adverts.
Done everything from garages trying to sell fuel and repairs to specialty stores selling 'all natural' Fluffy Chow and even a Fluffy Pimp.
Seriously?
Don't think that one is going to see air-time.
The three mares were quite beautiful and were wearing makeup, with ribbons tied through their manes.
"How much yuu chawge?" They asked you, scowling at 'Uni'.
That was surprising. Uni was designed to be adorable by Fluffy Pony standards, until you twigged that they saw Uni as a 'rival' for business.
Only reason they weren't attacking was your size, otherwise you're sure that 'Uni' would have been showered with 'Sowwy Poopies!'
Regardless, you're a professional, do the shoot, then BUG THE HELL OUTTA THERE.
Prosti-Fluffies shouting at Pip and Eddy they can 'haf one on da howse!'
Nononononono....
Second-to-last Advert Shoot is in a Casino.
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
Well at least there'll be AC. Feel like a steamed dumpling at this stage.
Whoever came up with the concept of a Latex Suit never worked in a desert, you're sure.
'Uni' is given some chips, 'plays' some of the games and 'wins' bowls of Spaghetti.
Big, heaped bowls of Spaghetti.
Oh God.
*********************************************************************
Set six weeks later
Be Natasha Goodaluv, again, and watch with bemusement as Eddy and Pip go out to meet the Fluffy Ponies and the Cows.
Some wit decided to stuff a Feral herd with Bovine Hormones, and started to bottle Fluffy Pony Milk. Without the addition of specific foods, the milk has a tendency to have a very starchy taste, but with all the sweet, well-watered grass and high-sucrose fodder the Farmer feeds them, the milk is almost sickeningly sugary.
Had a glass, can barely stand still. No wonder the little fluff-balls are so hyperactive if this is what they grow up on.
Sammy has bought twelve bottles of the damn stuff. Swears it'll be better for everyone than the redbull they're going through. Might be healthier, but for fuck's sake, you feel like you're vibrating right now from the sugar-high.
Oh God, the Mares in the fields have finally noticed Eddy and Pip are 'Stallions'.
This ought to be good. Eddy is 'interviewing' the Mares, while Pip is having a natter with the Farmer who originally came up with the concept of Bottled Fluffy Milk, a scattering of Fillies and young Mares following in his wake and giggling loudly.
In the fields outside the "Dairy Farmers of America" buildings, taking a well-earned break from the Uni-Suit as the madness starts.
"Yuu big Fwuffy! Yuu haf Hewd?" The 'Smarty Friend' of this all-female Herd asks loudly, grinning at Eddy.
Well, leering, but still...
"Eddy haf Hewd wit' Wittle Brudda Pip and Wittle Sistah Uni." Eddy rumbles at the Mares, who all squeak and squeal in delight.
Seriously, did they have to build the suit so Eddy sounded like that? You understand the marketing pitch, to make Eddy sound as big and authoritative as possible to make him popular with Earth Fluffy Ponies, but this is just ridiculous.
"Wan join mah Hewd?" The Smarty Mare shouts eagerly, tail lifted into the air and waving back and forth.
If you were closer, you'd bet you could smell the hormones flooding off her right now.
Combination of a lack of males, rich food, constant hormone injections to make her produce milk all the time, and that has to be one ripe little Fluffy out there trying to be sexy as all hell.
"For the record, if you two fuckers pop the suit's boner out there, I WILL beat you to death with your own fucking limbs." You hear the Director mutter into his head-set, and stifle the urge to giggle.
"An yuu is nice Hoomin who gif miwk to Fwuffies at home?" Pip squeaks to the Farmer, who grins and nods, obviously only just resisting the urge to burst out laughing.
Yes, the whole situation is absurd, just deal with it.
"Aaaaah, yep, I started bottling Fluffy Ponies milk a few years ago when they wandered onto my property, thought there might be a market." The aging, balding man snorts and grins as he watches 'Eddy' desperately trying to outrun the Mares, who had all latched on to his belly fluff, squirming and wriggling.
"WOOOOOOO!" You hear one Mare squeal in delight. Shit. SWAG has been launched...
Director is making choking noises, and you swear you can hear the coffee mug in his hands cracking as his knuckles turn white.
"Oh my God... well, uh, focusing on the milk again..." The Farmer makes an half-muffled snort of laughter as Pip and he walk away from the train-wreck of Eddy and the Mares. "The milk is bottled and treated on my farm, filled with all the good things Fluffy Ponies need, and then sold all over the country. There's Fluffy Milk for Foals, Fluffy Milk for Adults, Fluffy Milk for the Elderly Fluffies. Hell, I even pasteurize some for people too."
"Yaaaaay! Nice Hoomin get Fwuffie Miwk fo' evewy Fwuffie an' dere Mummies an' Daddies!" Pip 'cheers', dancing from hoof to hoof, his wings flapping 'eagerly'.
The Mares who followed pip also start dancing, delighted.
"Yuu is Guud Fwuffies who make Miwk fo' otha Fwuffies!" Pip tells them, 'smiling' at them. "Yuu is wunnerful! Yuu is Best Fwuffies!"
Mare cling to Pip's fluff and shout they love him, that they think he's 'wunnerful' too.
Eddy has fallen over with much cursing, sending Fluffy Ponies flying.
They rushed over to ask if he was okay, then saw the SWAG just lying there. Fluffy Mares all crowd around, rubbing their back-ends on the exposed shaft, giggling and cooing, even as their Smarty Friend tries to back into the damn thing.
"Nnnnnngh! So Big! Fwuffy gun' haf Best Speshaw Huggies!" She shouts loudly, grinding back as hard as she can, her face contorting hilariously as she tries to push all 2 feet of flanged latex horse wang into her tiny body.
That does it. Everyone bursts into laughter or starts wolf-whistling.
"Oh for the love of... FROM THE TOP!" The Director yells, rubbing at his temples.
Time till Spaghetti Land in Cleveland, Ohi opens ... 6 weeks
*********************************************************************
4 Weeks till Spaghetti Land in Cleveland, Ohio opens.
Kansas City. By All The Gods, so many adverts.
Uni's getting more mileage than you thought possible. Much as you hate to admit it, the suit is incredible to hold up under this constant 'abuse' without the mechanisms failing.
Doing a shoot at the St. Louis Arch, with the other two Suits.
Redo of the 'Journey' song. Seems that Fluffies absolutely adore it.
Apparently Las Vegas has had a surge of customers, with Fluffies in tow, and made a killing.
Customers can either take their winnings or have free all-you-can-eat buffets for themselves and their Fluffy Ponies for a week.
Naturally, people try to take the money, but the Fluffy ponies break down into tears, and the owners either boot the Fluffy, try to make it understand or give in to the guilt.
The other thing that's surprising is there's close to a million Fluffy ponies following in your wake.
Jesus enfing Christ. There's so many of them following the Freeway from Hollywood to Cleveland that satellites can pick them up.
They're only just reaching Las Vegas now, according to the News Reports, a sprawling two-part Herd that shambles on morning and night, leaving a trail of weak or dead Fluffy Ponies in their wake.
"We fowwowin' Uni!" One Fluffy Pony said on National Television, making the entire cast spit their coffee out in horror. "We fowwow Uni fow'evah! We wuv Uni!... I wuv Uni mowst dou...."
Cue the Feral Fluffies going into a screaming free-for-all as the Stallions jumped on the Smarty Friend, shouting that they themselves 'wuved' Uni more than anyone!
Any complaints to the show get funneled down the line to the your Mystery Asshole Boss. Hope the bastard's ears are melting off from the enraged Fluffy Pony Owners whose babies have run away to follow their Idol.
And there's scores of abusers out there attacking the herds, but apparently there were so many that a couple of flat-bed trucks actually went out of control when their wheels locked up with Fluff, and tipped over, crushing their inhabitants, who got 'Owie-Fixin'-Hugs' to make it all better.
And promptly suffocated under thousands of Fluffies trying to fix their 'boo-boos'.
Karma at work, ladies and gentlemen. You thought to yourself as you watched the police pry the Fluffy ponies off the corpses.
Las Vegas City Council apparently decided that it was a fantastic attention-getter, and has 'helped' the Fluffy Ponies by diverting them down the main 'strip' of road leading through town and blocking off the alleyways and side-streets.
Show-Girls are holding signs saying "Uni went that way!" instead of working the tables, or under them.
Lying bastards. They're just eager to see the Ferals leave, and possibly make their own Feral Fluffy Pony population disappear in the process.
Fuck you can only imagine what the Ferals have had to go through .....
*********************************************************************
You hold up your son to the sky... and weep bitter, bitter tears. The tears wash down into your dirty fluff, leaving two clean trails on your cheeks as the foal remains cold and stiff, despite your attempts to warm it with the morning sun.
The mare you had befriended on the way died, leaving you to look after the last of the babies you had given her one night when you couldn't stand the Hot-Naughty-Feels pulsing through you.
Brandy died because the Mean Herd snuck across the road and ate all the nummies, marching all night long while your herd slept.
Your herd kept following their side of the road, too afraid of the Munstas to cross the highway, too determined to stop and seek food further from the highway's edge.
Three days without food, and barely any water, and eventually she was too weak to move.
Babies had been without milk for two days when the first, your daughter Gust, fell off her Mother's back and wouldn't get up.
You and Brandy cried over her body so much, then left the Herd to take her and put her under a bush, where she could rest.
You both knew she was dead, but it made it easier to go on if you pretended she was just sleeping.
Then your son Brambles began to fall ill, and you tried everything you could think of to make him better.
Hugs, half-chewed grass, some sweet berries you found and brought back for him to suck on, nothing worked.
Bandy kept on telling you she was sorry, she was a "Bad Fwuffy Mumma". Told her she was the "Best Fwuffy Mumma evah, it not her fault if Meanie Hewd steaw nummies."
Brandy didn't move the next day, still and cold even with you hugging her through the night, your son snuggled between you both, wheezing in his sleep.
Now, he's dead. He's dead. HE'S DEAD. You feel so hollow and empty inside as you bring his body down, staring at it and fighting the urge to break down and will yourself to join your family in death.
You made a promise, not just to Uni, but to your mare and your babies that they would see Uni once again.
Your heart breaks, being a Fluffy Daddy was so... so fulfilling! It made every day wonderful to be alive, to know your babies were waiting for you to play with them, teach them to be good Fluffies.
You told them about Uni, the biggest, most beautiful (after their mumma) and most magical unicorn Fluffy who was leading Fluffies to a magical place.
Fluffies who joined you from the Cee-Tees said it was 'Sketti Wand', a place of endless Spaghetti, where Fluffies could play all day with nice hoomins who loved them, ride on toys made just for Fluffies, even find homes for themselves with the nice hoomins.
How the babies' eyes lit up when they heard that, how your mare sighed happily, all their hunger and pain forgotten for a few blissful moments.
Now... you have but one child left. A small, pale brown fillie with a shockingly bright-red mane and tail. Brandy the Second.
She's the only one that has managed to hold on to life, the only one that didn't fall sick from the lack of nummies, even though you can feel her ribs clearly when you give her huggies.
She's sitting there, dry-eyed and staring at her brother, her face inscrutable.
"Baybeh... we aww dat weft of famiwy." You whisper to her, placing your boy reverently down under a bush, tears still falling from your eyes.
"Fwuffie know. Fwuffie miss Mumma, miss Sissy, Miss Brudda." She whispers back, closing her eyes and sighing, sounding so much older than her single week of life could possibly suggest. "Buh we goin', Daddy? We goin' to see Uni, yes?"
Sigh and sob and laugh all at the same time, and let her climb up onto your back.
"Yes, Baybeh, we gon' see Uni. Daddy pwomise, an' Mumma wan' hew baybehs see Uni too, pway with Uni and eats wots of Sketti." You whisper to her as you shuffle off to rejoin the Herd, leaving your son to 'Sleep' alongside his mother under a prickly bush that will keep the Munstas from hurting them further.
As evening falls, you are all but falling over from weariness, but your daughter has had some nummies, where a nice hoomin had pulled up in a Fast Box Munsta and was distributing water and sweet nummies to the Fluffies.
"You keep going, you brave little things." She said, her face all wrinkled, smiling down at you as she handed out buttered peanut-butter-jelly sandwiches, which the herd dutifully broke down into bite-sized pieces, ate their share, and shuffled on after hugging the nice hoomin's ankles.
There's a lot of nice hoomins coming out now, saying they love Fluffy Ponies, want to see them make it to Sketti Wand.
Without them, you'd be dead by now, you're sure.
Some have Fluffies living with them in their Moving Safe Places, who cheer at you as well, saying they are going on ahead, and will be waiting for you at 'Sketti Wand'.
It's later that evening when you find the first of the Mean Herd, broken and bleeding, screaming about "Bad hoomins who gif huwties!"
They are quickly given Biggest Owies, and their bodies are rolled away from the road so that the Foals don't see them. They are evil fluffies who stole your nummies, and want to be special friends with Uni.
You once wanted to be like that. To make Uni your Special Friend, and yours alone.
Brandy changed that. Brandy filled your heart in ways that Uni never did.
You still love Uni, but Brandy will always live in your heart. You want to find Uni still, but so that she can teach your daughter to be a Good Fluffy too.
TO BE CONCLUDED.....

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